Myself

(This is a followup to the Transition to Leader post at my other blog. I have not re-read that post, so some information will be repeated. Deal with it.)

Recently I looked back at my older posts, glancing through all of them (over 250). I realized that recently (in the last six months), I have become much more philosophical. Yes, I still post quirky links, funny photos, and AMAZING REAL LIFE VIDEOS!!!!! Maybe it is because I am now out of school, giving me more time to think, but I have been trying to be more pro-active in thinking about my life (notice posts here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here (and yes, those are the same links that I had in my e-mail that I sent to EVERYONE, so it is no use clicking on them)).

But I digress to the original reason for this post: explaining the aforementioned Transition to Leader post at my other blog (I wanted to keep the other post less personal, so here is the personal side of the post).

Six months ago, I was getting ready to graduate from college. I had a "dream" of what I wanted to do (make movies), but I knew that: a) it probably wouldn't happen, and b) if it did happen, it wasn't a simple "start here and work your way up" job. So, I started to pray. Every night, I would pray that God would lead me down the path that he has chosen for me. I would pray that this path be easy to find, and that I would know what I would do. I also prayed that God would show me where he was taking me, where this path lead. See, I was worried about what I was going to do once I graduated, so I turned to God for comfort and support.

But by the time I graduated, this prayer had not yet been answered. I was going on a week long vacation, and the week I got back I would be working on a film set and acting as the driver to the star. But when I graduated, I didn't have any thing planned after January; no jobs, no career, nothing. Yes, I had a small income (working with Cathy and AUMC), and don't get me wrong, those are amazing opportunities, but I did not see how they would further my film career. And while they were steady as in I did the job every week, they were not steady in that both put together would not pay for my rent.

However, the Bible tells us to not worry, but pray, so I did. I continued my prayers that God would lead me down his path, and that he would show me where he was taking me. (On a side note: what is the accepted thing: yes or no to capitalizing pronouns that refer to God? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't... I don't mean no disrespect when I don't... Some Bibles do, some Bibles don't... what are your thoughts?)

Anywho, I continued to pray, and now, less than three months after I graduated, I can say with full faith that I believe that God has answered my prayers. I feel that God has brought me down the path that he has planned for me, and looking back, I can tell that he has not only been guiding me in the last six months, but also in the last six years. I also feel that God has shown me where he is leading me to: church media. In the last two months, I have been overcome with a passion and desire for this area, and I can't deny the power of these feelings. Six months ago, I had never given a serious thought about being in church media full time, but now I could totally see myself spending the rest of my life leading a team of people to help the congregation to worship. These feelings often overwhelm me, and I think about it night and day.

This is why I feel like God has answered my prayers. I see this passion as God leading me to where he wants me: church media. At one level, I look at what I had originally thought my life to be (in the movies), and I am slightly saddened that I am leaving that behind. Not only that, but I feel bad about leaving this futur, because it was not just my future; Hurley and I had big dreams for ourselves! Add Burrow into the picture, and we had plans on taking over Hollywood! But I have deserted that dream for a passion that I have never felt before. I feel bad about leaving others behind, but how can I deny this new passion in my life? (I have talked to Hurley about this, and he is totally cool with it, saying "If God is leading you there, who am I to stop it?")

So now that God has answered my prayers, do I stop praying them? No! God has lead me to where he wants me to be (now), and he has shown me where he wants me to be (church media), but who am I to say that I will end up there? In fact, I have expanded my prayers. I still pray for him to lead me, and him to show me, now I also pray that God will give me the leadership skills that I will need, and that God would help me understand myself better (because I don't have enough philosophical posts as it is). While God has already answered my prayers, please continue to pray with me that God will continue to answer my prayers.

Matthew

PS: I referenced my own blog 16 times, including referencing one post three times, and even referencing THIS POST TWICE! OK, make that 17.