Mood Swings

Thursday, November 10, 2011
Lately (in the past few months) I have noticed that I have been suffering from mood swings. I can go from happy to depressed in the matter of minutes (although often it isn't that sudden/noticible).

As a specific example: Yesterday (Tuesday) I was doing great all day long. Then, halfway through Bible study (just before our break) something hit me and I was suddenly sullen and not wanting to talk to anyone.

It happened again today: I was having a great day, then as I was heading out of church I started running around in circles with some kids. Now, 5+ hours later, I still feel slightly light headed, and I haven't been in a good mood since. When I was a kid and ran around in circles I would get dizzy but I would get over it in a few minutes. It seems strange to me that this would have such a long-term affect on me.

Is this normal? Am I just getting old (I did hit the big two-seven just a few days ago)? Or are these signs of something wrong?

Having these mood swings often makes it hard to get work done. When I am in a good mood I can get a lot accomplished, but when my mood goes south (which sometimes happens suddenly, sometimes gradually) it is extremely hard to get work done. My brain simply fights any possible cognitive thinking.

Please pray with me that these mood swings would stop wrecking my life, that depression would stay away, and that my work would come easier to me.


Austin or Bust!

Wednesday, November 09, 2011
When I sit down to write long blog posts like this one I have typically gone over what I am going to say long before I sit down to actually write it. For example, in my blog post "It is Finished" in which I came out publicly about my pornography addiction, I had written the post in my head no less than six times before I actually sat down to type it out.

This time is different. Not because I haven't thought about what I am going to say, but because there is SO MUCH to say! In fact I have spent many many hours thinking over the past week, and the more I think the more I realize there is more to think about!

That is all to say this: This post will not be as organized as usual, and I am quite sure I won't get to everything tonight. My last blog post promised that I would share more, and there are many blog posts that I intended to sit down and write over the past weeks (I have two sitting half written on my desktop), but lack of energy from working my many jobs kept me from fulfilling this promise. Well maybe this will break that log jam.

To put it another way: I am quite sure there are things going on that I won't cover in this blog post, don't worry, I hope to blog these soon!

OK, wow, all of that and I haven't even started yet! Whew! Time to get on to the real reason for this post!

I have decided to make a huge change in my life. This will be the largest change I have ever made in my life, even larger than moving off to college.

I am moving to Austin.

For those that don't know me as well: In 2003 I graduated from high school and moved to Denton, TX (north of Dallas / Fort Worth) to attend the University of North Texas. Four and a half years later I graduated from said university with a degree in Radio, Television, and Film. (I like to tell people I got a BA in RTVF from UNT.)

To keep the story short (too late!), I began volunteering at Argyle United Methodist Church (AUMC) soon after I moved to Denton, and that position steadily grew over the years. Now I work part time for the church making a five figure salary (which sounds like a lot more than it is!).

But things aren't all daisies and roses. I have to work (typically) 60 hours a week at many part time jobs (including my own small business) just to make rent. And ever since my brother moved out of the area over two years ago, my closest family is now a 3 hour and 41 minute drive away (according to Google Maps).

I am in a rut! I am lonely, I work too much, and I am stressed to the gills! If I am to be honest with you right now, I would say: these past few years have broken me. I am broken emotionally, I am broken physically, I am broken spiritually... I long from the deepest part of my soul to once again find peace in my life, and I pray that this move will be the catalyst for that.

Don't get me wrong; God has been doing some amazing things in my life, and I often have moments of happiness and great joy, but these moments are islands in a sea of frustration and stress, and I don't see why I should sit around and leave it like this when I can at least attempt a change.

*sigh* Well, I have hit my emotional stopping point, so that is all for tonight. As I said, I have dozens of different thoughts I want to share, about how this will affect my job at my church, how deeply these pains hurt me, how much family means to me, how little "me" time I have, and how my friends have kept me sane for this long. But those will have to come another day.

For now, please be praying for me. I really didn't get into my "plan", IE: what my plan is for moving to Austin, but the primary part of the plan is to find a full time (or good paying part time) job in or near Austin. Please be praying that God would guide me to the job He wants me to have, the job that would best glorify His Kingdom. Please pray that I would have peace in the next few months, as I know it will get worse before it gets better. Please be praying that God would help me to get everything done in the next few months, as my schedule is packed.

Please be praying that God would continue to bless me as he has so abundantly blessed me in my past!


PS: This blog post is over, but the conversation has just started! I am a HUGE fan of having conversations! So if you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment on this blog post below, message me on Facebook and/or Twitter, or just call me on my cell phone! In these days of bleak loneliness, conversations are a beacon of light for me!