Friday, December 19, 2008
I spent several hours tonight proofreading, printing, addressing, and otherwise getting my Christmas Letters ready. All I have to do is go to the post office and get a few more stamps... I hope there isn't a line... (yes, I know that there are machines that will give you stamps, but I am old fashioned, I like talking to a human...)

Anywho, I am watching old episodes of The West Wing. In one episode the president's Chief of Staff is talking to a female White House employee about his drug and alcohol addiction. Leo (the Chief of Staff) just finished telling Karen about how his father was an alcoholic and shot himself one night...

Karen: Is that why you drank and took drugs?
Leo: No, I drank and took drugs because I am a drug addict and an alcoholic.
Karen: How long did it take you to get cured?
Leo: I'm not cured, you don't get cured, I haven't had a drink or a pill in six and a half years, which isn't to say I won't have one tomorrow.
Karen: What would happen if you did?
Leo: I don't know, but probably a nightmare the likes of which both our fathers experienced, and me too.
Karen: And... so after six and a half years you still aren't allowed to have a drink?
Leo: The problem is I don't want a drink, I want ten drinks.
Karen: Are things that bad?
Leo: No.
Karen: Then why?
Leo: Because I'm an alcoholic.
Karen: I don't understand.
Leo: I know. It's OK, hardly anyone does. It's very hard to understand.

This speaks to something that I have mentioned here several times, and hearing them talk about this reminded me of it. I was addicted to pornography for many years, and I have been "sober" for two and a half years, but that doesn't make the fight any easier.

I know some guy readers of this blog that have never had this problem before, but I know that other readers have had the same problems that I have had. To get off on a tangent: I think most people would be surprised how many Christian males have had or currently have an addiction to pornography. I have been in groups of guys where every person in the room admitted to looking at pornography (and not just passively). As I was growing up I thought I was one of the few Christians who struggled with it, but now I see that it is rare to not have had this problem.

But I digress. Like I said, as a true addiction, I still struggle with it. Some weeks it is easy, some weeks it is hard. When Leo is asked "Why do you want to drink," he replies "Because I'm an alcoholic." For me, it's that simple. Why do I struggle with pornography? "Because I'm a male." There isn't something inside of me that other guys don't have, it is in all males of all ages. But I made a promise to God, and I am doing everything in my power to stick to it.

Even though I am not currently struggling with this issue, please keep me in your prayers for the times that I am struggling. Please also keep the other readers of this blog in your prayers, as well as my efforts to fight this epidemic in America today.



Matt said...

"Why do you sin?"

"Because I'm a sinner, it is my nature to sin."

"So why does God still love you?"

"Because it is His nature to love."

Praise the God Who Loves, that He doesn't love us for any good reason. He just loves us 'cuz He wants to, and we can never change His mind.

Katanna said...

Matt- My point exactly! You always were better with words...


Brian said...

Brother... this is something I struggled with for years too. Not only the porn, but the belief that Christian males like me were few and far between. I felt like I was worse than so many others, and I felt like I was alone in my sea of filth and frustration.

Thanks for sharing this. I occasionally am still tempted... and by "occasionally" I mean regularly. But Christ is working in me... alive and well... and with His help, each day is another day to win.

Thanks again, bro!