Words of Guilt

"Words of Guilt" by Matthew Kelling

Words fill the screen,
pages and pages,
words forever.

He reads the words,
filled with awe,
wonder, excitement.

He is transfixed by the words,
he reads them as they scroll by,
on and on, page after page.

The words give meaning to his life,
define him, console him
in the most pleasant of ways.

He has to stop,
but the words cry out for him to continue,
he feels the guilt,
but the rapture he feels doesn't care,
deep down he knows,
but up above the thoughts are pushed aside.

The words keep scrolling,
faster, faster,
the beat of his heart keeps time,
faster, faster.

Suddenly he stops!
not because there are no more words to read
(oh there are so many more),
but because the deed is done.


Now the guilt pours in,
it drowns him,
buckets of guilt,
shame, pain.

Is this who he is?
Defined by such words,
and nothing else?

"What have I done?"
"The promises I have broken..."
"The pain I have caused..."

Again,
...again,
......again.

"Why, God, why?"
"Make me stop!"
"This was the last time!"

Again,
...again,
......again.

"Unworthy as I am,
how could you ever forgive me?"
"...am I forgiven?"

His soul cries out for the crimes he committed,
but deep down inside
he knows he will commit again.

*****

Why does mankind lust? Is it because of some deep primal urge brought on since the beginning of time? Is it culture and media pressing their agenda onto us? Is it our wicked flesh getting the better of us? Is it demons attacking us while we are defenseless?

Regardless of the reason, I know I am forgiven.

Will I commit again? I hope not, but there is a chance. One thing I know is that there are no words of lust, no pictures of cute girls, no videos of obscene acts that could ever separate me from the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. Amen.

~Matthew Kelling