OK, so last night, trying to go to sleep, I got to thinking. (not everything here is a product of last night, but.... whatever)
I have to be honest to everyone: I am not happy with my weight. Using the UPS exercise program, I lost 50 pounds in 6 months. But in the last 8 months of not working there, I have put half of that back on. So, I have been trying to exercise, but it isn't easy! I have been going to the gym 3-4 times a week. I usually run at least 2 miles, as well as plenty of walking and/or biking. I have even tried some swimming, but it makes me sick... I am going to have to work on that.
But even with all of the exercising, it isn't working, and I will be the first to admit why: I ain't eating right! I am eating just as bad as I was before. Yes, I stick to skim milk (or, as Alton Brown calls it, "white water"). And yes, I don't eat LOTS of fried food when I go on break at Chick-fil-A. But I still eat too much, and I eat the wrong things. But it is so hard to eat the right things, and eat little of it. The desires that food create are an un-stoppable force within my body.
And that brings me to money. (like my segue?) I have been listening to way too much Dave Ramsey... OK, not too much, but a lot. His big thing is to "live like no one else, so that you can live like no one else," and to have "gazelle intensity." The first means that you give up everything now, IE: fast food, comforts, entertainment, non-necessities, "eat beans and rice, rice and beans", so that later, you can have the money to splurge on these types of things. The later quote means that you hit this problem full force, you squeeze out every dime you can, you "sell so much stuff the kids think they are next," and you put forth every grain of effort into paying off your debts. But this, again, is hard for me. Why eat left over Hamburger Helper when you can have Mc. Donald's? Who wants three-day-old Taco Salad when you pass by a Sonic on the way home? And there is that video game I have been eyeing for a while (
Command & Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars, ya baby!).
But these two problems I have mentioned are very similar. I have been watching "Fat March" and "The Biggest Loser," both of which prove that people heavier than me can end up where I want to be (under 200 pounds). And I struggle with exercising, but I don't have the discipline to eat right, or exercise enough. I want to get rid of my student loans, but who would miss $50 to pay for a game I want to play (even though I already own plenty of games).
Which brings me to my third metaphor: God. I know where, spiritually, I want to be. And I know that it helps to read the Bible every day, but the patience to do it, the discipline to take the time, the effort to actually STUDY this text... I would rather read The Scarlet Letter (and I HATED that book!). But something deep down inside says "do it, read, study, learn." And yet, I go through the day, never looking at the leather bound compilation that my brother bought for me; I forget to pray before meals; I don't go to church;
I fall short.
At what point do I consider that I have tried my hardest; at what point to I accept mediocre?
Matthew
PS: I don't consider myself a philosopher; in fact, quite the opposite. But these things have been pressing on me a lot lately. Hopefully, soon, I will post about other problems I am having, other demons I have inside of me, other things that make me cry at night. I will continue to post my weird, whimsical links here, but I also hope to make it something much more beneficial.
