My Mundane Life

The Guardrail Saga Part 3: The End is Nigh

2011-12-17T12:47:00.003-06:00

(Be sure you are read up on Part 1 and Part 2.)

Day 6: Tuesday, December 13th. Got a call from my insurance agent saying that he went by after lunch and was able to inspect the damage. This is great news because I have to have my car back by Friday as I have a job on Saturday, and the quicker the insurance guy looks at it the quicker it will get done!

Day 7: Wednesday, December 14th. Drove the rental to work. Didn't hear anything about my car.

Day 8: Thursday, December 15th. Got a call just before noon that my car was ready! Yea! He said that it was on the way to the carwash and once it got back I could pick it up, anytime before they closed at 5:30 pm.

So I showed up at their doors just before 2:30, ready to pick up my car, but after a quick shuffle of papers and a confused look from the receptionist, The Manager from Monday came by and said that there was a problem. He took me in the back and showed me how a part that they ordered wouldn't fit right, that they had to order another part and that once it got delivered (any moment now) all they had to do was rivet it on and it would be ready to go. So apparently my mechanic called me a bit preemptively.

*Sigh* This makes the THIRD time that a wrong part has come up, but I don't blame them for this. With the computer systems that they use these days I can't think how this was one person messing up. See, when looking for a part they type the VIN of the vehicle into their computer and it is the computer that tells them what parts to order. The Mechanic would later say "I don't know what was going on, the parts we needed were completely different than what our program said we needed," and I believe them.

So I waited for the rest of the day for them to give me a call, but they never did. At 4:45 I called them but was told that my mechanic was busy and he would call me back. He called me back at 5:15 and said "The part just came in but it won't be ready to go today." Oh well, why do I care? They are paying for my rental so as long as I get it back before my job on Saturday I am happy.

Day 9: Friday, December 16th. Didn't hear from them all day. (What a surprise.) I finally call them at 2:30 pm and they say "It is ready to be picked up." Yea again!

With hesitant optimism I drive over and sure enough there is Jackie, all shined up and ready to go! And wouldn't you believe it, but after 9 days for an estimated "3.7 hours" worth of work, I drove Jackie off the lot! It felt great!

(click to see full size)

So, to sum it up, here is what they did wrong:
1) Promised me same day or next day service when they shouldn't have.
2) Kept ordering the wrong parts (how much of this was their fault is up for argument, but it was still one of the main problems).
3) Couldn't seem to call me in a reasonable amount of time (and once called me too early).

However, there are many things that they got right, most of which I haven't spoken of in these blog posts:
1) They were always kind and curious to me. Everyone from the receptionists to my mechanic to the manager always had a smile on their face and were in good spirits.
2) When I first dropped of Jackie I asked them if they did state inspections (December is my inspection month). The receptionist said no, but someone quickly said "But we can get that taken care of for you, I can have someone drive it down the road to get it inspected." Sure enough by the time I saw Jackie on Monday during my conversation with the manager Jackie had a new inspection sticker. I had to pay for the inspection (of course), but that is really great service when they offer to go out of their way to do something that won't make them any money.
3) I received my car back freshly washed. And I don't mean a $3 drive through! The inside was vacuumed and my tires were shined. Now THAT is service!
4) And don't forget that the manager made it right by paying for a rental for four days.

So as I look back, sure they did some things wrong that led me to a lot of anger, but at the same time they offered me great service and tried to make things right for me. Personally I probably wouldn't bring my vehicle back to them (and not only because I am planning on moving out of the area), but I can see why people recommend them. To put it another way: They wouldn't be in business more than 24 hours if this was their average customer experience.

So to you, Caliber Collision Repair of Denton: I am still upset at the ordeal I had to go through, but I forgive you, and I wish you the best of luck!

Matthew

The Guardrail Saga, Part 2

2011-12-12T22:09:00.005-06:00

(If you haven't read Part 1 of The Guardrail Saga you can read it here: Oh Deer, I hit a... Guardrail?. You shouldn't read Part 2 unless you have read Part 1 seeing as Part 2 won't make any sense unless you have read Part 1. Duh!)

Day 4: Sunday, December 11th. My roommate Tom's family was in town and it just so happened that they were leaving their car at our house (some long story that I only half understand), so Tom let me drive his car to church. (And what an amazing day at church it was! We had our annual Christmas Pageant program that night and it was awesome!)

For a minute during the day I felt bad about calling my mechanic a "nitwit" in my last blog post, but then I remembered why I was driving someone else's car and I felt better.

Day 5: Monday, December 12th. At 10 AM my mechanic finally got around to calling me, but seeing as Monday is my sabbath (day off) I was still sleeping, so he left a message. When I got up (the time of which is not important) I listened to the message which went something like "Oh, sorry for not calling, I had a family issue come up. Oh, and we found more damage inside, so it will be another $550 to fix it correctly."

First of all, I don't buy that he didn't call because of a family issue. I am not saying I don't believe that he had an issue, I just don't buy that the reason he didn't call was because of it. If, say, he had found out about the problem in the morning on Friday, why did he not call at all for the rest of the day? Remember that according to his coworkers he was out making a delivery at 5:15 PM, so he would have had to wait all day to make the phone call and then have something come up at the last minute. Another option was that he waited until late in the day to fix my car, but why would he if it was only going to take a few hours like the estimate said it would? AND even if he did have something sudden come up, couldn't he tell a coworker "Hey, can you call this guy for me? I have a family issue I need to attend to and I don't want him to not have his vehicle over the weekend." Problem solved. But no, he simply didn't call, and that made the problem so much worse!

Anywho, because they found extra damage I now had even more decisions to make. Should I spend an extra $550 to fix my car (now at $1200+)? Should I now get insurance involved? Should I even leave my car with these guys, or should I demand it back and take it somewhere else?

I wanted to know how much filing an insurance claim would add to my premium, so I called Geico and the nice lady said "there is no way for me to tell, it would be up to the underwriters. However you are supposed to tell us about any incidents anyway..." So I told her about what happened and she took notes.

Then, thanks to the advice of several family members, I decided that I needed to talk with the manager at Caliber Collision Repair, so I gave him a preemptive call before I left to see him. The conversation started out something like this:

Me: I have an issue with a repair that I want to talk with you about.
Him: What vehicle is it?
Me: Jeep Liberty.
Him: Silver?
Me: Yes.
Him: Didn't we find additional damage on that one?

This surprised me. It told me that my mechanic wasn't working in a void, that even his manager knew what was going on, and that impressed me.

Anywho, I hinted that my frustration was with not getting a phone call and that I would meet with him in 20 minutes.

I had a friend pick me up and drive me over. I was expecting to meet with the manager in his office where I would tell him about how mad I was, give him a sob story about having to borrow cars, and demand that it be fully fixed for free and that they owe me $1000 for my emotional distress... or something like that. (See, I am really a nice guy, and my niceness has a way of hiding the anger inside of me, so I was actually trying to work myself into getting mad.) But instead of leading me to his office the manager took me right out to see Jackie (my Jeep Liberty who looked kinda sad with her front bumper missing). But before he talked about my car he apologized for my mechanic not calling me because the two of them were out trying to make a delivery, had bad directions, and ran out of gas.

Now, I honestly have no direct evidence of what actually happened Friday afternoon so I don't want to call either man a liar, however the two stories do somewhat contradict each other. I mean, if they were on a delivery and ran out of gas, then why couldn't my mechanic just say so in his phone message to me? Or, once they knew they were running late, why couldn't my mechanic call a coworker and have the coworker call me?

Anywho, I digress. The manager then went on to say that the mechanic never should have promised me a quick turn around because the entire shop is very booked right now, and have been booked for six months. He said that the mechanic was wrong, and he would talk to him about it.

He then went on to show me the "damage" to the inside structure of my bumper. It wasn't much damage, but there was damage there (I regret not taking a photo of it). On the subject of how important it was to fix it the manager said "If you are in another crash there is a 50/50 chance of it not working like it should." (Which makes sense, either it will or it won't work like it should.) One always wants the bumper to work as it should, because its primary function is to collapse in an impact, absorbing energy as it goes.

To make a long story short (too late), we decided that I would just leave Jackie with them and we would use my insurance to pay for all of it to get fixed. He said he wanted to make it right for me, and I told him that what is worst for me is that I don't have a vehicle to drive. (Remember that on Thursday I was told that it would be ready "Same day, next day max", and here we are five days later and my car is still in pieces.) He then offered to pay for a rental car until my vehicle was ready to go, and I took him up on that offer. Seeing as insurance was now paying everything off, there really wasn't a way he could lower the price on something, so I saw this as the best way that he could make it right.

So, after my conversation with him, I am content with the outcome. I am still not happy about their poor communication skills, but he did take a step to make it right, and seeing as he has to pay for the rental every day that my car isn't fixed, I hope that gives him an incentive to get it done faster. On the money side: It ends up being cheaper for me going through insurance (my deductible is $500), and the manager said that insurance agencies don't usually worry about claims less than $1000 (the claim being what they pay after the deductible). This claim should be less than that, so I am optimistic (but not counting on) my premium not going up.

Anywho, there is your update. My car will be fully fixed and until then I am driving a paid-for rental. I will let you know if anything else changes!

UPDATE: You can read the next (and hopefully final) chapter here.

Matthew

Oh Deer, I hit a... Guardrail?

2011-12-10T20:50:00.005-06:00

A few weeks ago at Thanksgiving a guardrail jumped out in front of my car! How rude!!!

Granted, it had just started raining... and I was taking a turn a bit too fast... and I was trying to beat a yellow light...... but I stand firm in that it was the guardrail's fault!

OK, fine, it was my fault.

While making a left hand turn onto a feeder road in Austin I lost control of my car and hit the guardrail that was on the left side of the road. (Coincidentally enough it hit in the exact same place on the car where just two years ago I hit a deer.) I ended up facing the wrong way on the one-way feeder road in the striped no-man's-land. Thankfully no other cars were involved. Here are some true-life crime scene photos, click to see full size.

As you can see in the photos there was minimal damage to both my car and the guardrail. The bumper is broken, a few of the brackets that hold the grill on are broken, and the right turn signal was burnt out. Oh, and my license plate came off, and not three days later a Small Town Texas cop pulled me over for not having a front license place.

Anywho, minimal damage was sustained for my sin of trying to beat the yellow light and I figured I might as well go ahead and get it fixed. I take pride in my vehicle; It is paid off (I OWN IT BABY!) so I always want it looking clean, sharp, and all together not broken. So last week I took it to two local shops to get an estimate to get it fixed. The "Mom and Pop" shop (name withheld) quoted me $675, and the local chain Caliber Collision Repair quoted me $625.

Now you can debate if it is worth spending more than $600 to fix a bumper (most of the quoted cost is for two parts which totaled $450 in each quote), but I decided that I would take the hit (call it a Stupid Tax) and get it fixed.

Day 1: Thursday, December 8th. I took my car in and dropped it off at 8:30 AM (which is LONG before the time I usually wake up). My mechanic said that there was a problem with my quote, that one of the parts would be $50 more than he quoted me. I flat out told him that I chose them because they were $50 cheaper than another estimate, but there wasn't much I could do at that point. So I dropped off my car and I had a coworker pick me up and take me to church so I could work all day.

Fast forward a few hours. I knew Caliber closes at 5:30 PM, so when I still hadn't heard from them by 5:00 I started calling them. On my first call I was told that the guy in charge of my car would call me back. By 5:40 I was still waiting, so I called again, but because the office was closed I got sent to the chain's central office. The nice lady there said that she would try calling the local shop's back line, and I finally got in touch with my mechanic.

He said that they received the wrong part (I am not sure whose fault that was) and that the correct part just came in so it wouldn't be ready that day and he would call me in the morning when it was ready. Not a huge problem, I had someone take me home.

Day 2: Friday, December 9th. I didn't have anything specific planned all day long, so I wasn't too worried about not having a car. But as it was getting late into the day I still hadn't heard from my mechanic, so around 5:15 I once again start calling him. The first call wasn't answered, on the second call the receptionist said "He is out making a delivery, let me get you someone who might be able to help." She sends me over to another mechanic that says the same thing, "I think he is out, let me get him on the radio. [hold music while he gets him on the radio] Yes, he is out on a delivery, he will call you when he gets back." So I waited.

And I waited.

But I never got a call back.

Day 3: Saturday, December 10th. Had to work at the church (Christmas Pageant rehearsal) so I had someone pick me up. I was thinking I would call Caliber during the day, but the guy picking me up said something and it jogged my memory: Caliber Collision Repair is closed on weekends!

After the Pageant rehearsal I had my friend drive me by the shop. I had hoped that Jackie (my Jeep) would be sitting out front and, because I had an extra set of keys, I could just drive it away (fixed or not fixed). But sadly I didn't see it, it must have been around back behind barbed wire.

So let's get this straight: I come in for a super simple repair job, one that which your quote says will only take 3.7 hours to fix, and all of a sudden my car is taken away from me for no less than FOUR DAYS? I don't know how my mechanic guy gets to work, but I am a freelance videographer! I have to drive places! I have things to do and places to go, and you have taken my vehicle from me because you refused to return my phone calls?!?!?

Now I will say: I know there are many people out there that don't have the luxury of having a vehicle, and there are people that lose their vehicles or the use of their vehicle for various reasons. This rant really isn't about me not having a car, it is about some nitwit who didn't want to call me back so now I have to bum a ride off of friends! To put it another way: He took something of mine and, because of bad customer service, won't give it back when he promised (twice) he would.

Oh, and he is sure darned lucky that I didn't have a freelance job this weekend or I would have been up a creek without my Jeep!

So if you can't tell, I am pretty livid at Caliber Collision Repair right now. Like I said, it really isn't putting me out much outside of having to ask for a few favors, but we live in an era where people commute to work, and to take away someone's transportation for FOUR DAYS so that you can work on it 3.7 hours is inexcusable.

Keep checking back as I will update this post as the story continues. I will be giving them a mouthful on Monday, we will see if they return my calls at that point.

UPDATE: Instead of continuing the story here I decided to split it into another post. You can now read about it here: The Guardrail Saga, Part 2.

UPDATE UPDATE: You can read the next (and hopefully final) chapter here.

Matthew

A Call from the Forbidden Fruit

2011-12-09T01:05:00.000-06:00

As many of you know I am looking for a full time job in Austin. (If you don't know about it you can read this post.) I have been perusing Craigslist for media related job ads and have sent out my application many times in the last few weeks. (Don't knock Craigslist, three of the seven jobs listed on my resume came from Craigslist!)

I have also used networking to my advantage. For example a good friend of mine was recently looking for a job. After he found a job he was called by a company asking if he still needed work, and he replied "No, but I have a good friend that does!" This led me to my first phone interview. The job looks like it would be up my alley, but they aren't currently hiring, so it is a waiting game on them.

I have also sent out my application to other random companies that I wouldn't mind working for, and this led me to my second call back. Apple Inc. called me today and we had a brief discussion about my background and my strengths/weaknesses. He then said that they do have an opening for a full time job! Hooray! I then asked him at what store the opening was at and he said it would be in the Dallas area. *sigh* I explained to him that I am trying to move from Dallas to Austin to be with family, and he said he only covers the Dallas area and that he would have to talk to the guy over the Austin area.

So over all I am pleased with how things are going. I haven't been getting a lot of call backs, but I also realize that it is still early. When I was working at my last full time job we were hiring some new people and it took several weeks to get all of the applications in, evaluate the applications, and get around to the call backs. So while my phone isn't ringing off the hook, I am seeing more opportunities than I had feared there would be, I am just waiting a bit to see how many call backs I get.

If you are in Austin or know of anyone in Austin that my know someone in Austin that may hire someone (especially media related) in the next five years, give me a holler and I will send you my resume!

Thanks for the prayers! I know that soon I will be amazingly blessed to be close to family!

Matthew

Mood Swings

2011-11-10T01:03:00.001-06:00

Lately (in the past few months) I have noticed that I have been suffering from mood swings. I can go from happy to depressed in the matter of minutes (although often it isn't that sudden/noticible).

As a specific example: Yesterday (Tuesday) I was doing great all day long. Then, halfway through Bible study (just before our break) something hit me and I was suddenly sullen and not wanting to talk to anyone.

It happened again today: I was having a great day, then as I was heading out of church I started running around in circles with some kids. Now, 5+ hours later, I still feel slightly light headed, and I haven't been in a good mood since. When I was a kid and ran around in circles I would get dizzy but I would get over it in a few minutes. It seems strange to me that this would have such a long-term affect on me.

Is this normal? Am I just getting old (I did hit the big two-seven just a few days ago)? Or are these signs of something wrong?

Having these mood swings often makes it hard to get work done. When I am in a good mood I can get a lot accomplished, but when my mood goes south (which sometimes happens suddenly, sometimes gradually) it is extremely hard to get work done. My brain simply fights any possible cognitive thinking.

Please pray with me that these mood swings would stop wrecking my life, that depression would stay away, and that my work would come easier to me.

Matthew

Austin or Bust!

2011-11-09T01:27:00.002-06:00

When I sit down to write long blog posts like this one I have typically gone over what I am going to say long before I sit down to actually write it. For example, in my blog post "It is Finished" in which I came out publicly about my pornography addiction, I had written the post in my head no less than six times before I actually sat down to type it out.

This time is different. Not because I haven't thought about what I am going to say, but because there is SO MUCH to say! In fact I have spent many many hours thinking over the past week, and the more I think the more I realize there is more to think about!

That is all to say this: This post will not be as organized as usual, and I am quite sure I won't get to everything tonight. My last blog post promised that I would share more, and there are many blog posts that I intended to sit down and write over the past weeks (I have two sitting half written on my desktop), but lack of energy from working my many jobs kept me from fulfilling this promise. Well maybe this will break that log jam.

To put it another way: I am quite sure there are things going on that I won't cover in this blog post, don't worry, I hope to blog these soon!

OK, wow, all of that and I haven't even started yet! Whew! Time to get on to the real reason for this post!

I have decided to make a huge change in my life. This will be the largest change I have ever made in my life, even larger than moving off to college.

I am moving to Austin.

For those that don't know me as well: In 2003 I graduated from high school and moved to Denton, TX (north of Dallas / Fort Worth) to attend the University of North Texas. Four and a half years later I graduated from said university with a degree in Radio, Television, and Film. (I like to tell people I got a BA in RTVF from UNT.)

To keep the story short (too late!), I began volunteering at Argyle United Methodist Church (AUMC) soon after I moved to Denton, and that position steadily grew over the years. Now I work part time for the church making a five figure salary (which sounds like a lot more than it is!).

But things aren't all daisies and roses. I have to work (typically) 60 hours a week at many part time jobs (including my own small business) just to make rent. And ever since my brother moved out of the area over two years ago, my closest family is now a 3 hour and 41 minute drive away (according to Google Maps).

I am in a rut! I am lonely, I work too much, and I am stressed to the gills! If I am to be honest with you right now, I would say: these past few years have broken me. I am broken emotionally, I am broken physically, I am broken spiritually... I long from the deepest part of my soul to once again find peace in my life, and I pray that this move will be the catalyst for that.

Don't get me wrong; God has been doing some amazing things in my life, and I often have moments of happiness and great joy, but these moments are islands in a sea of frustration and stress, and I don't see why I should sit around and leave it like this when I can at least attempt a change.

*sigh* Well, I have hit my emotional stopping point, so that is all for tonight. As I said, I have dozens of different thoughts I want to share, about how this will affect my job at my church, how deeply these pains hurt me, how much family means to me, how little "me" time I have, and how my friends have kept me sane for this long. But those will have to come another day.

For now, please be praying for me. I really didn't get into my "plan", IE: what my plan is for moving to Austin, but the primary part of the plan is to find a full time (or good paying part time) job in or near Austin. Please be praying that God would guide me to the job He wants me to have, the job that would best glorify His Kingdom. Please pray that I would have peace in the next few months, as I know it will get worse before it gets better. Please be praying that God would help me to get everything done in the next few months, as my schedule is packed.

Please be praying that God would continue to bless me as he has so abundantly blessed me in my past!

Matthew

PS: This blog post is over, but the conversation has just started! I am a HUGE fan of having conversations! So if you have any questions or comments, please leave a comment on this blog post below, message me on Facebook and/or Twitter, or just call me on my cell phone! In these days of bleak loneliness, conversations are a beacon of light for me!

You Don't Know Me: how Facebook and Twitter changed Social Media

2011-07-16T02:32:00.003-05:00

Many years ago (April of '05 to be exact) I started this blog that you are reading right now. I started it for the purpose of sharing links and photos with friends and family (so I could stop emailing them every time I came across a funny webpage), but over time it grew into my personal outlet for what we now call "social media". Just as Facebook and Twitter are all about updating everyone at the same time about something, so too my blog became, a place where all of my friends and family could go so that everyone could know the latest goings-ons of my life.

And, of course, funny webpages.

But over time I slowly stopped posting on my blog as I started posting more and more on Facebook and, later, Twitter. In fact, in the last 22 months I have only posted 11 posts on my blog, an average of one blog post every 60 days! Compare that to calendar year 2008 when I posted 160 times, an average of one post every 2.3 days.

However, what I post on Facebook/Twitter and what I used to post on my blog are not the same thing. On Facebook and Twitter you are limited in how many characters you can post (420 and 140, respectively). And while Facebook is great for having conversations in comments, I never post any deep or long winded posts, mostly because I can't fit many deep theological discussion into 420 characters. (And, yes, Facebook has Notes, but I never got into using those.)

And this is a problem. Nobody knows me. Sure, they think they know me, but all I ever post on Facebook/Twitter are one-liners. How can you know someone from one-liners?

For example, I have not kept it a secret that I am working on writing an iPhone application, but who knows how the project is going? Am I making good progress, or have I hit a stumbling block? How far along in the app making process am I, and what resources am I using? These are all things that, in the olden days of my blog, I would have typed out, but now nobody knows. (Note: I have made it a point to NOT post the title or even the general concept of my app, so don't feel bad if you don't know about that.)

Another great example: last year I become increasingly frustrated at my full time job. I wasn't frustrated at the company or anyone that was working there, I was frustrated at things like driving an hour each way three to four days a week, and working until 4 AM then having an hour drive home. And these problems didn't pop up over night, I had been getting increasingly frustrated for a year or more.

But apparently I had been keeping these problems to myself (or at least not posting about them on Facebook), because one day I posted on Facebook "Today I gave my two week notice at my full time job." and I got a surprised call from my dad. He not only didn't know that I was quitting, he didn't know how unhappy I was. And to make matters worse, to this day I have never posted a detailed explanation of WHY I was quitting. Unless you have asked me personally, you would have no about the problems I was having at the time.

In retrospect this probably wouldn't have happened if I were updating my blog regularly, because either a) I would have over time posted about how unhappy I was, or b) I would have written up a long 3000 word explanation of why I was quitting and I would have had it time stamped to post within an hour of me actually giving my two week notice, so everyone would know at the same time not only that I was quitting, but also a through explanation of why.

As these examples attest: Facebook and Twitter have changed the way people know me. And I am not saying that it is all bad, because the social interaction on Facebook and Twitter is so much greater than was ever possible on my blog. But people don't know ME, they don't know what is going on in my life, they only know the superficial one-liners of my life. And I am not saying that people that followed my blog when I posted regularly knew everything there was to know about me, I am saying they had a deeper understanding of what was really going on in my life.

I will admit: The idea that Facebook and Twitter are superficial is not a new idea in the world. I am sure people have written dissertations about how Facebook and Twitter have changed social media and people's interactions, but for me it never really sank in until now how MUCH it has changed how people know me.

So I am going to make a marked attempt to post on my blog more. I am not going to go out of my way to post, and I am not going to feel guilty if I don't post, but I want people to get to know a deeper me than the Facebook/Twitter version of me.

So add this blog to your bookmark list and/or your RSS reader, because you will be seeing more posts here in the near future.

Matthew

Count Your Blessings

2011-06-19T21:25:00.003-05:00

"Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so." We all know the words to the old nursery rhyme, but do we really know it?

Sometimes I play a little thought game and ask myself "What is the worst possible thing that could happen to my life?", IE: what event(s) would most alter the course of my life? (Not to be confused with "What is the worst thing that could happen IN my life?", for which the answer is easy: the loss of a family member or close friend.)

Well the answer would probably be me losing a job and/or losing all of my stuff. Let's say I lost my job(s) and my house burned down. That would be devastating to me because everything that I have worked for and everything that I own would be gone almost instantly.

What would I do next?

Well I have renter's insurance, so that would cover my stuff, but it wouldn't cover where I would sleep that night (or the next month for that matter). Insurance is only be the first step on the road to recovery.

So I would turn to family. Between my sister, my mom, my dad, my grandmother, and two sets of aunts/uncles/cousins, I have no doubt that SOMEONE could find an empty bed or couch for me to sleep on until I get my feet back under me. (My brother, who just moved to the Frozen Tundra of Canada, sadly doesn't count as it would be too far to travel just to sleep on a couch.)

But what if they weren't able to help? Later this week my entire family is going on a cruise. What would happen if I lost my job, my house burned down, and the cruise ship sank and I was the only one left?

Well then I would call my church and they would help. I am absolutely positive of ten people who would INSTANTLY open their homes for me if needed, and that is only counting fellow staff members! I know of another ten or more people in the congregation that wouldn't hesitate to do the same!

But what if I lost my job, my house burned down, the cruise ship sank, and armageddon happened and no one in my church was left alive?

Well at that point I am screwed! (Actually it is more more like I took that game one step too far.)

But really, I have played out the above thought game several times in my head and there is not a single way (outside of armageddon) where I would end up homeless. No matter how hard I try to mess with my life (in a theoretical sense) I end up surrounded by family and/or friends that care deeply for me. I attribute this to the amazing love that God has surrounded me with and the many blessings he pours out on my life.

(Am I saying that the homeless are not loved or blessed by God? In no way! God loves and blesses everyone in different ways, the above is just one way I am able to personify what God has done in my life. As an example, today at church a guy walked in off of the street and needed some help. Our church was able to help him and in doing so we were a blessing in his life and we showed God's love to him.)

How has God shown his love for you in your life?

My grandfather (Ray Kelling) was an amazing man, and it breaks my heart that he died before I really got to know him (or even before I knew what it would be like to miss someone that amazing). He struggled with cancer for many, many years until it finally took his life. One of the few relics I have left as a memory of him is a recording of him singing (with my grandmother accompanying on organ) "Count Your Many Blessings". (You can download the file by right clicking and choosing "Save As": Link.) The old hymn states:

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be discouraged, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your many blessings, see what God hath done!

Today, may you count your many blessings, and see that God loves you and cares for you. May you know without a doubt that God created the entire universe but loves YOU so much that he sent his only son to die on the cross so that you would know his love for you.

Matthew

PS: For an example on how to count your blessings amidst strife, click on back to an older post of mine titled "Oh Dear, I hit a Deer! The lesson I learned from hitting a 6 point buck.

PPS: I apologize that this post is not more organized than it is. I would like it to flow better but due to the many things going on right now I don't have the brain power to organize it any better. I hope that the unflowieness of it didn't hinder the point I was trying to make.

The Cave

2011-03-19T20:54:00.002-05:00

[blink]
Where am I?
[I am in my youth.]
I am in a shadow; the darkness of the cave.
[I have been here before.]
I am lost in the cave with no way out, no hope of survival.
[I know the cave well, I have been here many times.]
I am going to die in the cave.
[I despise the cave.]
Yet up there is the light, the answer to the darkness!
[So close, yet...]
I run towards the light down a well trodden path.
[I know this path.]
The path promises to deliver me from the darkness to the light.
[I have traveled it many times, I know every twist and turn.]
I run, I flee, I climb, I crawl...
[Again, again, again, again.]
...one slip and I will land back in the cave.
[The retched cave.]
Slowly the darkness fades, the light overcomes!
[I remember the feeling of its warm rays.]
I am saved! I am free! I am home!

Again.

So time and time again, why do I keep waking in the cave?
The many trips towards the light, was it all in vein or simply a dream?

[blink]
Where am I?

~Matthew Kelling

Heather

2011-02-01T02:31:00.002-06:00

2 AM. Large winter storm blowing in. It is raining and it will surely be snowing soon.

So I do what any wanna-be-photo-geek does: I decide to set my iPhone in the window to take a time lapse video of our front lawn as the storm blows in. So I go to our front window, pull up the blinds (which is made difficult by the fact that they are broken) and I use an extension cord to plug in my iPhone so the battery won't die.

As I am lining up the shot about to hit the shutter I notice someone walking down the road. I thought "That's odd, it is below freezing outside and raining, who is walking around in this weather?" As I watch she turns up our driveway and starts to walk across our lawn.

Our doorbell rings.

I answer it and the woman says that her mom has kicked her out of the house, could she use my phone. "Of course" is my answer! She calls her boyfriend to come pick her up.

My roommate and I invite her to come inside and stay warm. She turns us down at first (I don't blame her for not coming into a stranger's house in the middle of the night) but she soon allows herself inside to wait.

We get to talking. She said that she saw me in the window and decided to come to our door to ask for help, and I explained to her what I was doing in the window. She opens up and says that her parents didn't like her boyfriend (the man she wanted to marry) so they said "You can leave him or leave the house." She choose to leave the house.

I then gather up the courage to say "I don't know where you come from or what you believe, but I am a Christian and I believe in prayer. Do you mind if I pray for you?" She said that she too was a Christian and would appreciate some prayer.

So in our living room at 2:15 in the morning with a winter storm brewing outside I was praying with my roommate and a stranger, someone who was at that instant homeless and clearly broken by the events that had just taken place.

Her boyfriend finally got there and she ran through the rain to his truck. I realize that if I hadn't been standing in the window at that moment she would still probably be out in the cold. I fully believe that God put me there at that exact moment to be a light in her deep darkness.

I will probably never see Heather again, but she will be in my prayers tonight and for a long time to come. May she will be in your prayers too.

Matthew

The Life I Dreamed

2010-12-17T02:12:00.001-06:00

Today is an old friend's birthday. I met him in high school (he sat two seats behind me in IPC) and we ended up having the same life dream of working in the movie industry. We even went to the same college (although we only had one or two classes together). Checking out his photos on Facebook I start seeing other faces I know, people that I went to college with. And these people and my friend are doing exactly what I have dreamed of doing all of my life. I turned and went a different direction, but they are living out my life's dream. Yet I would have it no other way.

When I was a kid (think elementary school) my brother told me that I should grow up to be a pyrotechnic engineer. "What's that?" I asked. "It is someone who is paid to blow stuff up." he replied. "Cool! I want to do that!" was my obvious reply.

But that career dream didn't stay the same long. What I soon realized is that I didn't dream of being a pyrotechnic engineer, what I dreamed of is working on special effects on movie sets. And soon after that my dreames turned from working on special effects to just working on movie sets.

All through middle school and high school I wanted to work in the movies. I dreamed most of being a director (in this industry who doesn't?), but I really didn't care what job I was doing. "My life's dream is to, someday, watch a movie and at the end see my name. I don't care where my name is, first thing after the credits start rolling or last thing before the final logo, I just want to see it there."

And so the last two years of high school and my entire college career were focused on that one goal: getting my name in the credits of a movie. Of course the idea wasn't to stop there, the idea was to (in one way of putting it) get my name sooner and sooner in the credits until one day it would end up as the first name you see when the credits start rolling. I worked long and hard on this goal, it was what I lived for.

And what would you know? Not a month after I graduated college I was on the set of a FILM! Granted, it was a small budget film that was using mostly students to work it, but it was a full blown bonafide film set.

I met a lot of amazing people while working on that film, but I already knew a lot of the people I was working with (they were students with me at UNT). And surprise surprise who shows up but my friend from two seats behind me in IPC class, who has paralleled my education career and has ended up at the same place as me. We had a great time working on that set together.

Fast forward three years: I haven't set foot on a film set since the first week of January '08, and here I sit looking at photos of my friend from high school hanging out and working on film sets with all of my college RTVF buddies.

Sure, part of me longs for the good old days with my friends, moving lights around and setting up c-stands; it was the thing I have dreamed of doing for most of my life! And yet I wouldn't trade my life with theirs for ANYTHING! The reason why comes back to that cold first week of 2008 working on my first film set:

I hated it.

The reason is simple: working on that set was the most un-creative thing I have done in my entire life. The mantra of a grip/gaffer on set is "Do exactly what you are told, and do nothing else." For those that know me well: this didn't sit well with me!

I kept looking around the set and would try to make things "better". Not that I would step out of my role as a grip/gaffer, I was just trying to be the best at what I was doing. For example if asked to bring one apple box I would bring two just in case another was needed. I would think ahead and start putting gels on windows before I was asked to. I would clean up after people, and right other people's "wrongs" (that's my OCD speaking).

It took me a few days to figure out why everyone continually yelled at me.

See, my job was not to bring an extra apple box or think ahead. In fact my job was to not think at all! "Do exactly what you are told, and do nothing else." "I don't care if we will end up putting gels on those windows, I didn't tell you to do it, so why are you doing it?"

I was lost.

I was in a world that dumbs you down, a world that doesn't want you to think for yourself, a world that demands that you eat the crumbs that have fallen off of the master's plate long before you earn the right to ever get a full bite to eat, much less the feast they advertise in the "Special Features" section of "The Matrix" DVD.

And so I entered the second week of January '08 with my dreams shattered, completely deflated, crushed. And yet I wouldn't have it any other way!

See: on the surface those two weeks were a huge sudden change for me, an absolute shock to my system. And yet they totally play into a much more subtle story, one that goes back just as far as the last story and one that would continue to this day (and beyond).

Back when I was telling everyone that I wanted to be a pyrotechnic engineer I was also telling everyone that I was a Christian. But that was a lie.

In middle school I feel into pornography. I was addicted like a drunk wants a drink. I planned my day around it, and I became very good at hiding what I was really doing on the computer all those hours.

And after every "session" I felt the guilt. I knew it was wrong. I knew what I was doing was against God's will. And yet I kept doing it.

I was living a lie. I wore Christian shirts to school to feel righteous, but would then go home and defy God with all that I was. And it wasn't just the pornography. I wasn't going to church, I didn't read my Bible, I was spiritually dead.

Sure I could quote you John 3:16 and I knew the Sunday School stories of Noah and Moses. But my heart cared more about the pleasures of this life than about God. In reality I was the worst kind of Christian there is: a Cultural Christian; one that proclaims Jesus as his Lord but never actually lives it.

The Bible uses the illustration of a fruit bearing tree. "Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit." (Luke 7:17-18, NIV).

At that time in my life what fruit was I bearing? Well I wasn't reading scripture, I wasn't going to church, and I was spending all of my time watching TV and pornography. Looks like I was bearing bad fruit.

Yet I am not the same today, so what changed? Well I wish that I could say that some bright light knocked some sense into me, or even that there was one passionate night of prayer at youth camp. But it was nothing exciting as that. In fact it is downright boring: After (quite randomly) deciding to give up pornography in college I began a slow U-turn, changing from someone in love with self into someone in love with God. I love the term "repent" and the imagery it brings to mind. The word literally means to turn 180 degrees and go in the opposite direction. I now live a repentant life: I have turned away from my sin and I am going in the other direction.

And smack dab in the middle of this U-turn was January 1st 2008, the best/worst week of my life, working my dream job as those same dreams came crashing down around me.

If the Devil were in charge of me them there is no telling what would have happened to me after that. Gone back to pornography? Probably. Fallen in with the wrong crowd? Maybe. Become so depressed that there would be no light at the end of the tunnel? Most definitely.

But God wouldn't have that! In fact I am convinced that God saw this coming! See, four years before my dreams vanished like cupcakes at a children's party my brother somehow convinced me to start helping out with sound at a small country church. (Nowadays I think he did it because he didn't care about why I was going to church, as long as I was there.)

Over the next four years that little charity act by my brother became a full blown passion in my life. I became head of the AV team at one of the fastest growing Methodist churches in America (not a little country church any more, is it?), and I was also volunteering at the largest church in Denton at their night and college services.

So while the Devil was ready to tear me down by ripping away my life's dream, God revealed that he had already built a different foundation for me to step onto, a passion that to this day is still the focus of my life.

I eat and breathe church media. My day revolves around it. The only reason I am running a small business on the side is that the church can't pay me full time wages (which makes sense because it isn't a full time position). If it doesn't involve church media, family, or a way to pay the rent at the end of the month, chances are I am probably not doing it (which may just explain why I am still single... but I digress!).

And I blame (PRAISE!) God for all of this! I believe that He was working through my brother in 2003 when he convinced me to help out at the church. And I believe that He continued to work through me so that when my dreams shattered one cold week in January 2008 He could reveal to me that my true passion in life made my old dreams look like a faded black and white TV set.

Fast forward three years. I sit here tonight looking at photos of my high school friend. He has continued down the path that I once dreamed of, working on film sets with all of my old college RTVF buddies.

And I (thank God!) would have it no other way.

Matthew

PS: To read about my addiction to pornography, read this post.

DCI

2010-07-27T01:37:00.003-05:00

Tonight was an amazing night! For the first time I got to see a DCI show LIVE! It was a great show and I had a fun time hanging out with my roommate.

And I took photos. Lots of photos.

OK, not lots of photos like my brother would take lots of photos, but in the four hours we were in the stadium I took 113 photos and 12 videos. So I am creating a post on my much neglected blog to share many of those photos and videos with you. So here we go!

NOTE: I recently purchased my first iPhone and I haven't had a chance to compare my old point-and-shoot (a DCS-1050 from Norcent) to the iPhone 4 camera. So the below photos are a mixture of both iPhone photos and point-and-shoot photos. The site that I am using to host the photos (PhotoBucket) is compressing the images, so you won't get a full comparison between the two cameras, but you will still be able to notice the difference. I just wanted to point this out to explain why some photos look different.

NOTE 2: Click on photos to see a much larger version (though, as stated above, it is still not the original photo).

Vigilantes - Denton, TX
The show started off with a small local corps.

Music City - Nashville, TN
Another small corps, but not local.

Forte - Grand Prairie, TX
Another small corps, this time local again. (Trust me, the commentary gets better later.)

Velvet Knights - Pasadena, CA
The Velvet Knights were a BLAST to watch, probably the band that had the most fun on field tonight. They were dancing and being super creative, all while wearing bright red Converse shoes.

Revolution - San Antonio, TX
The first band of decent size, Revolution was fun to watch.

Crossmen - San Antonio, TX
The first "World Class" corps, the Crossmen were a great watch.

(taken via camera, for comparison)

(taken via iPhone, for comparison)

Madison Scouts - Madison, WI
I enjoy watching the Madison Scouts, if only because I was a Boy Scout once! Great team to watch!

Blue Stars - La Crosse, WI
My roommate and I agree: the Blue Stars were the most fun to watch all night long! Their theme was based on Houdini, and they made great use of the theme. For example, for the first few minutes all of the color guard are in straight jackets, yet they still find ways to twirl their flags while "struggling" to get free. Very well done!

Carolina Crown - Ft. Mill, SC
I had never heard of the Carolina Crown before, but they were an amazing corps. Very well executed!

(panorama via AutoStitch for iPhone)

The Cadets - Allentown, PA
Coming into this competition I had a bias: I am a huge fan of The Cadets. This year's theme was "Toy Soldier", and they pulled if off very well.

The Cavaliers - Rosemont, IL
The Cavaliers are the home town favorites, and they didn't disappoint! It wasn't a huge surprise when they won best of show. They deserved it!

Encore - by The Cavaliers

(panorama via to Photoshop)

Awards

Final Scores - World Class
91.85 The Cavaliers
90.05 Carolina Crown
89.25 The Cadets
87.2 Blue Stars
83.0 Madison Scouts
77.1 Crossmen

Final Scores - Open Class
79.85 Revolution
74.65 Forte
73.8 Music City
72.6 Velvet Knights

Special thanks to:
Luke, my coworker, who let me off tonight. Super Thanks!
PhotoBucket for hosting the photos
YouTube for hosting the videos
A Better Finder Attributes for helping me to fix the 42 minute lag from one of my cameras.

Matthew

Quote of the day

2010-05-11T03:27:00.000-05:00

Quote of the day: "This is America, we focus on what we want to. That's our right. That's what freedom is. Some people are all about education, some people could give a crap. Some people care about disease and ending malaria, some people want to put socks on troops, some people want to eat donuts, some people want to eat cookies. It's a choice; it's a freedom; it's America!" ~OhDoctah (AKA Owen JJ Stone) on This Week in Tech

Words of Guilt

2010-03-06T22:59:00.003-06:00

"Words of Guilt" by Matthew Kelling

Words fill the screen,
pages and pages,
words forever.

He reads the words,
filled with awe,
wonder, excitement.

He is transfixed by the words,
he reads them as they scroll by,
on and on, page after page.

The words give meaning to his life,
define him, console him
in the most pleasant of ways.

He has to stop,
but the words cry out for him to continue,
he feels the guilt,
but the rapture he feels doesn't care,
deep down he knows,
but up above the thoughts are pushed aside.

The words keep scrolling,
faster, faster,
the beat of his heart keeps time,
faster, faster.

Suddenly he stops!
not because there are no more words to read
(oh there are so many more),
but because the deed is done.

Now the guilt pours in,
it drowns him,
buckets of guilt,
shame, pain.

Is this who he is?
Defined by such words,
and nothing else?

"What have I done?"
"The promises I have broken..."
"The pain I have caused..."

Again,
...again,
......again.

"Why, God, why?"
"Make me stop!"
"This was the last time!"

Again,
...again,
......again.

"Unworthy as I am,
how could you ever forgive me?"
"...am I forgiven?"

His soul cries out for the crimes he committed,
but deep down inside
he knows he will commit again.

*****

Why does mankind lust? Is it because of some deep primal urge brought on since the beginning of time? Is it culture and media pressing their agenda onto us? Is it our wicked flesh getting the better of us? Is it demons attacking us while we are defenseless?

Regardless of the reason, I know I am forgiven.

Will I commit again? I hope not, but there is a chance. One thing I know is that there are no words of lust, no pictures of cute girls, no videos of obscene acts that could ever separate me from the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. Amen.

~Matthew Kelling

"Rockin Songs"

2010-03-04T23:28:00.002-06:00

Here is my (old) iTunes playlist that I have always worked out to. I am now creating a new playlist as this one is a bit old and needs refreshing. Clicking on a song will open the playlist in iTunes, once there you can preview all of the songs.

Matthew

Family Religion

2010-01-15T00:08:00.004-06:00

Our family has never engaged in religion together.

Don't get me wrong. Probably every person I am related to is a Christian (of one denomination or another). We all grew up Christian and we share the same beliefs.

But when we come together to celebrate holidays, birthdays, or just to hang out, we mostly leave our religion at the door. It is not that we start cussing and telling dirty jokes, we just don't bring our faith into our relationships. We never bring the entire extended family to one church on Sunday, we don't worship together, we don't engage in religious discussions (with a few notable exceptions), and outside of praying before each meal we never engage in pray together.

Fast forward to Christmas 2009. Over 20 relatives are packed into my grandmother's house for Christmas brunch, white elephant gifts, and the main gift exchange. After the last "scheduled event" (the Christmas staple of everyone opening their presents) one of the family members spoke up saying that she had a prayer request. Everyone listened as she spoke about a specific problem that she was going through in her life, and she finished by asking that we keep her in our prayers. We all agreed that we would.

There was an awkward silence, and everyone turned back to their favorite gift from that morning; but my aunt had a different idea. "Well, we are all here, can we pray for you right now?"

Of course the Family-Member-In-Need said yes, and we all gathered around her and laid hands on her. Someone started a prayer and we in turn each added to the prayer. We didn't only pray for the one specific need, we also prayed for guidance in all of our lives, protection for family as they travel, and blessings on an out-of-state relative who had a child due in a few days. It was a beautiful moment in time when we all lifted our hearts and focused on God.

Out of all of the Christmases that I have had with my amazing relatives, out of all of the Easters and Thanksgivings and casual moments and cruises, the games we played, the late nights we spent talking, and the quiet times we shared; out of all of the times I have spent with family, this single moment is my favorite: When we got on our knees and laid hands on a loved one for God's protection, guidance, and healing.

I continue to pray that this is the last family member that needs this type of prayer, but I also pray that this is only the first of many times that we as a family join together in prayer to and worship of our amazing God.

Matthew

Almost Mom's Taco Soup

2009-12-19T00:39:00.003-06:00

My first blog post in a long time is... a recipe? Yup. That's how good it is!

My roommate recently started making this, and it was so awesome I had to have a try at it. This is the recipe that I came up with. It is amazingly flavorful, and it makes a huge pot's worth. Also, I just found out that it is quite good cold, and I am sure that this recipe could be modified to make a nice cold bean dip.

Almost Mom's Taco Soup

(Note: The "Mom" in the title is not my mother, she is my roommate's mother. She created the original recipe, and this is my take on it. For the original recipe, see the bottom of this post.)

Ingredients
1 onion
1 clove of garlic
1 pat of butter
1 lb of ground sausage
1 can of kidney beans
1 can of black beans
2 cans of pinto beans
2 cans of corn
2 cans of Rotel diced tomatoes (of course I get the Hot variety)
2 packages of taco seasoning
1 package of ranch dressing mix
5 cups of water
salt, pepper, and cayenne pepper to taste

Directions
Dice the onion as fine as you can, and saute it with the clove of garlic in a pat of butter. (You minced the garlic, right? Good, because throwing it in the pan whole would be strange.) When the onion is good and brown, throw in the sausage and heat until fully cooked. Drain (if needed).

Drain the beans and corn. (I don't rinse them so that they keep some of their sauce with them, but feel free to rinse if you like.) Put the rest of the ingredients in the pan (beans, corn, tomatoes, taco seasoning, ranch mix, and water). Season with salt, pepper, and lots of cayenne pepper.

Bring everything to a boil, then lower the heat and simmer for 10 minutes. Enjoy with corn chips and sour cream. (Most normal people would also enjoy it with corn bread, but I am not normal as I don't like corn bread.)

Matthew

PS: For those new to my blog, check out my other recipes:
Almost Grandma's Chex Mix
Almost Kelling Family Minestrone Soup
Matthew's Cheesy Sausage and Rice
(Almost) Kelling Family Doritos Salad

PPS: Here is the original recipe, if you would rather try that version:

Mom's Taco Soup

I pour all the beans into the collander, rinse them, and let them drain.
Add whatever beans you want---just try for four cans.

INGREDIENTS:
3/4 pound lean ground beef
4 of any combination of pinto beans, kidney beans, black beans, red, northern
1 or 2 cans (14.5 ounce) cans diced tomatoes-- see what looks good.
1 can corn, drained (or use frozen)
1 onion, finely diced
1 (1.25 ounce) package taco seasoning mix or homemade
1 (1 ounce) package ranch dressing mix

DIRECTIONS:
Brown beef and add onion.
Add taco seasoning.
Add beans, corn, diced tomatoes and a bit of water.
Add taco mix and ranch dressing.
Let simmer for a few minutes and serve!

An update...

2009-10-11T23:05:00.002-05:00

For everyone following me on Twitter or Facebook: welcome to my blog!

For a while now I have joined my Twitter and Facebook page so that everything I say on Twitter gets forwarded to Facebook. But the more I explore both mediums I realize that each has a different group of friends for me: Twitter has mostly church techie people that I know or that follow me, and Facebook has more of my personal friends / people I know face to face.

So I have decided to stop forwarding ALL of my Twitter chat to Facebook. I will now segregate the two; personal posts I will put on Facebook, and church-related posts will be on Twitter. Sure, there will be a bit of bleed over, but in general this is the way I am going to try to keep it.

Of note: I do still have a way to directly post something from Twitter to Facebook. If I add the hashtag "#fb" to the end of a tweet, it will also update my Facebook status. So, if anyone sees "#fb" in any of my posts, just know that this means it is going to Twitter AND Facebook.

So, if there is anyone out there that follows me on Twitter but wants to know my personal side (of if you play Farmville), befriend me on Facebook. If you are my friend on Facebook but also want to see my techie side, follow me on Twitter. If you don't follow me at either place and have been refreshing my blog every day in hopes of me posting an update... then give me a call, we need to talk.

In all seriousness, I want to apologize to those people that follow my blog. I never intentionally stopped posting here, I just found a better and easier way of communicating on the internet (Facebook and Twitter). I simply haven't felt the need to update my blog when most people follow me on the FB or the TW. So really, if you don't follow me at either of those places, please do, because obviously you won't be seeing much of me online if you don't!

Matthew

"Just like a Star"

2009-08-26T01:11:00.005-05:00

Just like a star, if seen from afar,
My friends keep me company.

But fly more near and you will see, I fear,
That I am as alone as can be.

~Matthew Kelling

(Note: I wrote this almost exactly a year ago, August 26th, 2009.)

Oh Dear!

2009-08-22T02:27:00.004-05:00

Oh Dear, I hit a Deer! The lesson I learned from hitting a 6 point buck

The night of Thursday, August 20th, 2009, I was driving from Waco, Texas (where I was doing a job), to Bryan, Texas, to hang out with my best friend and throw his wife a surprise birthday party.

It was 2:30 AM and I was just getting to Bryan as I made the exit from Highway 6 to Texas Avenue (as per the directions from Google). As I made the exit I was decelerating (but I was still going a good 55 MPH) when I saw a deer appear on the left shoulder of the road.

My first thought was: "Oh cool, a deer on the side of the road." But I quickly saw that the deer was not standing still, he was headed for the middle of the road, and my thoughts quickly went to "I am going to hit this deer!"

I instantly reacted and did two things: I hit the breaks, and I hit the horn. I have no idea if hitting the horn scared the deer at all, but it didn't matter: there was no way I was going to miss it. As the deer ran across the road, the passenger side of my front grill hit it in it's rear quarters. I quickly brought my Jeep to a rest on the right side shoulder, and I turned on the hazard light and turned off the engine. I could hear large amounts of liquids draining from my engine, and I instantly knew I would not be driving away from this spot tonight.

I got out and surveyed the damage (link to photo). As you can see, the right side grill, lights, and bumper were gone, and my radiator had sprung a leak. I walked back and quickly found that there were pieces (some large and some small) all over the road. After getting the big pieces out of the road, I called my best friend to come pick me up (he lives only a few miles away).

(While the above photo link is open to the public, if you are a friend (or a friend of a friend) of mine on Facebook, you can check out my album with 23 photos here.)

While I was waiting for my friend, a truck pulled over and two college age guys came out to help. After saying "Wow, that's f#*&ed up!" like 20 times, they helped me push my Jeep further off of the road for safety. (At one point one of the guys threw a drink can into the grass. After they left, I stepped on it and fount it was a beer can... And I think it was the driver's drink!)

Anywho, they left, and after a short wait an NAPA delivery truck pulled over to a stop to see if I needed help right as my friend arrived on site. We all surveyed the damage, and the NAPA guy left. I then called Geico Emergency Services (I have tow insurance), and after joking around for a while with the guy on the phone, he told me that a tow truck would be there in 45 minutes.

On a side note: I have been very pleased with my Geico services. Everyone that I have talked to is very cheery, very nice, and very thorough. So far, they have an A+ rating from me!

The guy in the tow truck finally showed up, picked up my Jeep, and we were able to go home. Less than two hours after I ended the life of a poor deer, I was in my friend's home getting ready for bed. The next day (Friday) I called claims at Geico, within two hours a guy was looking at my Jeep, and a few hours later it was towed to a body shop. Later in the day my dad and step-mom drove in from Brenham (45 minutes away) and let me borrow his truck (it used to be mine). It is now my main mode of transportation until my Jeep if fixed.

[That is the end of the detailed account of what happened. Now begins my philosophical response to the situation.]

In the 24 hours since the accident, my mind keeps coming back to one thought: "What could I have done differently?" It is not reasonable to say that I could have taken a different route into town, because I had no idea that a deer would be lurking on that exit, just waiting for me to swing by. My timing, my route, my meeting with the deer was completely uncontrollable and inevitable; there was nothing I could do to change that.

But could I have acted differently once I saw the deer? At first (a few minutes after the accident) I thought "If only I had swerved, I might have missed it." But the more I thought about it, the more I realized: I was going 55 MPH at the time, and if I had swerved, there is a good chance that I would have swerved onto the shoulder, lost control of the vehicle, careened into the median, and started to barrel-roll... at FIFTY MILES PER HOUR! When you look at it that way, I will take my chances with hitting the deer!

So the more I think about it, the more I realize that there is absolutely nothing that I could have done to prevent me from hitting the deer. And to be honest, it is bugging me. It is in fact bugging me more than the $500 coming out of my pocket to cover the deductible. The thing that is bugging me the most is: I was not in control of this situation. Not to say that I lost control of my vehicle or that I was not in a good mind at the time, there is simply nothing that I could have done to make the situation any better.

And this is perturbing me! I like to be in control of everything that goes on in my life! I like to know what is going on, and when and where, and how things are going to happen. I control what I eat, when and where I go places, when I go to sleep and when I wake up, what I wear throughout the day, how I spend my money, even how often I brush my teeth. My life is the perfect example of a control freak living a controlling life. And I am not alone: most people are in full control of their lives. It is human (and very American) to be in control of one's life at all times.

But at 2:30 AM on August 20th, 2009, I no longer had control of my life. For that one instant, there was absolutely nothing that I could do to improve my life.

For whatever reason, if it be God or Satan or "nature" or just plain luck, I was destined to hit a deer that night. But, once you accept that I was going to hit a deer, things went amazingly well for me. I have insurance, so past my deductible everything is covered. While the car was beat up, there wasn't major damage to it. And most of all, I walked away from the accident perfectly healthy and safe.

But, for every thing that went perfect that night, there were ten things that could have gone wrong. I could have lost control of my vehicle. My airbags could have deployed, causing further damage and causing me to lose control of my Jeep. It could have been raining, causing not only the accident to be worse, but then I would have had to deal with a busted up car in the rain. I could have been in the middle of nowhere, instead of 5 miles from my destination. I could have had a passenger in the car. I could have hit the deer with the center of my car, causing the deer to flip up and crash into the windshield.

I could have died.

Of all of the things that could have gone wrong (past me hitting the deer), none of them happened. NONE! And they all refrained from happening with no help from me controlling my life! Every single thing that didn't happen was a gift from God! Every possible outcome outside of what happened would have been worse, and God saw that and created the situation to be the best outcome for me.

Romans 8:28 says And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. While I believe that this verse is often quoted for selfish reasons (IE: God will bless me simply because I am a Christian), I am absolutely certain that this verse describes how God worked in my life that night.

The night of August 20th, God worked for my good. He watched over me, he protected me, he loved me. And this is all absolutely separate from anything I could do. God knew that his plan was best for me, and while I couldn't see it at the time (and I quite possibly still don't), I know that God is working for my good. And while the worst feeling I have about this event is still "I was not in control", it is instantly covered with a feeling of "That's OK, God was in control".

So if I had to sum what I learned from this event in one sentence it is this: Sometimes we have to lose control so that God can show us that he is in control.

Matthew

I hit a deer

2009-08-21T04:22:00.002-05:00

I hit a deer.

Yup. At 2:30 this morning, going 55 MPH, I hit a deer just outside of Bryan, TX.

I am perfectly fine, the airbags didn't even go off (which kinda makes me sad), but Jackie had to be towed away as the radiator was shot. (I am soooo thankful I paid an extra $1 per month for towing insurance!)

It is now 4:30 AM, and I need to get my sleep, but I will leave you with this:

Photo of the scene

Matthew

New Texas Law

2009-08-17T20:54:00.003-05:00

For all of my Texas friends out there, here is a warning: House Bill 537 goes into effect September 1st.

Why should you care? Because it says that every person in a vehicle, no matter the age of the person or their location in the vehicle, MUST wear a seat belt at all times. That's right, you have to buckle up even if you are in the back seat.

More info: link

Matthew

Podcasts...

2009-08-12T02:59:00.002-05:00

Here, for no real reason, and in no particular order, is a list of the podcasts that I subscribe to. For your convience, links to the original site and to iTunes are included.

Church Tech
Church Tech Talk (iTunes): A bunch of guys sit around and talk about church tech. They often get off topic (sometimes to a fault), but this relaxed atmosphere is part of what makes them endearing.
Creative Synergy (iTunes): This podcast only has 6 episodes and it hasn't been updated in nearly two years, but it is still a must-listen for church tech guys.
Faith Tools (iTunes): This is my latest addition to my podcast collection. I am slowly catching up to the current episodes, but it is turning out to be a great resource for church tech help, tips, and tricks.

Other Tech
MacBreak (iTunes): This video podcast shows great tips and how-tos for Mac people. They also have a wide range of sub-categories, including "MacBreak Dev" (for developers), "MacBreak Work", and "MacBreak Tech".
MacBreak Weekly (iTunes): MacBreak Weekly is an audio podcast all about Macs. If you like Macs, you have to listen!
This Week in Tech (iTunes): Simply the best tech podcast ever.

Music
New Release Tuesday (iTunes): NRT is a weekly podcast featuring releases from Christian artists that are coming out that week. They have a great mix of popular artists and new artists.
Tooth & Nail (iTunes): Tooth & Nail is a Christian recording company, and their podcast features new music from their artists. Great stuff to listen to, but if you don't like death metal, stay away from their "Solid State" editions.

What podcasts do you listen to?

Matthew

Family or Church?

2009-08-07T23:45:00.002-05:00

Recently I have been surrounded with people that have two main draws in their life: family and ministry (IE: they work for a church). This has made me ask the question: Which comes first, family or God?

My first "Sunday School" answer is "Both. Putting your family first is a form of putting God first." But it isn't always that easy.

Say you are a senior pastor with a wife, two-point-four kids, and a dog. It takes a lot of energy to be a husband/father (or so I have been told), but it also takes a lot of energy to be a senior pastor. Let's say that you have been working all week on a project at the church, and it comes late in the week and you realize that you have not spent enough time preparing your sermon (and not by choice, you simply haven't had the time). Do you prepare the sermon, or do you go home to your family which you haven't seen all week?

Does the answer change with who you are? IE: If you are the choir director, is the answer different? The technical director. A choir member?

To ask the broad question: If you aren't employed by a church but you are just Joe the Plumber, do you put God or your family first?

Just a thought provoker this week.

Matthew

Wave Wash

2009-07-25T13:57:00.002-05:00

Instead of telling you guys the story about what happened Thursday and how upset I was about it, I thought I would just post the letter I wrote to the company and let you read it yourself. Link

Any feedback before I mail it?

Matthew

Your greatest sin...

2009-07-15T15:45:00.001-05:00

“Your greatest sin is not the abortion that you’ve asked forgiveness for, or the adultery or whatever is that you did in your life in a past that you’re ashamed of that keeps hounding you. Your greatest sin is not that. Your greatest sin is not believing God’s word when God says you’re forgiven. Your greatest sin is unbelief. You want to repent of something, friend? Stop repenting of sins that you’ve already repented of, and repent of your unbelief!”
~ By Rich Nathan, as quoted on the House of Heroes song "Voices"

Matthew

Off we go!

2009-07-03T08:47:00.003-05:00

Well, here we are. I have been meaning to type up a post for my blog, just so that I can say that I wrote a blog post. I don't know why I haven't written in over a month, but that is just how things go. (It probably has something to do with me posting on Twitter now... follow me here.)

Anywho, I just wanted to give you a quick update on my life. I am still working at all 25 of my jobs, so I am keeping busy. The big news of the week: I am going on a cruise! That's right, in four hours I am flying out to Florida to take sail on a Royal Caribbean cruise to the East Caribbean. I am going with a bunch of my cousins, my sister, and my grandmother. We are going to have a blast.

So any way, this is just a public statement that I will be out of hand for a week... no e-mails, no phone calls, no blog posts, and no twitters (unless I send some from my cell phone...).

Anywho, I hope that everyone has a great week, and enjoy the Texas summer as much as you can!

Matthew

Overcome

2009-05-27T04:15:00.009-05:00

As lightening flashes over somber planes,
          as dawn breaks,
My soul crashes against the shore,
          my soul awakes.

My heart cries out for answers
                              for peace
                              for hope
oh God                   for love.
                    All I get is love...
          and hope...
and peace...

Answers elude me, same as the questions.
          As certain as I am about this,
                    I doubt.

Life crashes, flashes, breaks, dies.
The same my soul, but doesn't die.

The promise, the certainty, the God of all
I beg, I plead, I push, I claw
                    won't let go,
          won't leave me,
won't break.
                    Love.
          Hope.
Peace.

          The light shines in the darkness,
     but I do not understand it;
it overcomes me.

~Matthew

Things...

2009-05-26T01:03:00.004-05:00

My Things to Do list (in no particular order):
clean my room
clean the house
mow the lawn
study the Bible
get the "Blue" DVD done
finish my To Do list
do the dishes
pick excursions for the cruise
learn how to write iPhone programs
start working on my To Do list
wash clothes
take care of the puppy
think about starting to work on my To Do list...

*sigh* if only the list weren't so long...

Matthew

Good Eats!

2009-05-22T23:07:00.001-05:00

Out of 210 "Good Eats" episodes (including three specials), I have 142 on my hard drive (including the first), and my collection is growing!

Oh, and they have all been recorded via my DVR, there are no downloads in that collection.

Matthew

Passing...

2009-05-19T22:06:00.003-05:00

I just found out that an amazing friend from middle school, Kellie Shehan, took her own life over the weekend. She was an amazing spirit full of joy, but also full of great sadness. Please pray for her family and those that knew her.

Her obituary: link

Matthew

Clean...

2009-05-16T01:35:00.002-05:00

I just spent 11 hours in the sound booth at church cleaning it from top to bottom... I will do a full write up with lots of pics tomorrow.

EDIT: Here is the link to the post.

Matthew

Morning...

2009-05-15T12:29:00.002-05:00

Good morning!

Well, I hoped it would be. I went to bed slightly early last night, trying to get a good night's rest. But then I couldn't fall asleep right away, so it didn't help. Plus, it didn't help that this morning I got two phone calls, a roommate that wonders in and out of the house for an hour, and a dog that needs to go out, and in, and scratch scratch, and lick lick... Oh well, I am awake now.

Oh, and lesson learned: using a set of store-bought hair clippers upside down gives you a shorter haircut than you wanted... plus it just looks bad.

Matthew

Farm...

2009-05-15T02:21:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago my sister posted a satellite view of our grandmother's house.

I just found, thanks to Google Earth, a satellite view of her house from 1995, complete with full orchard and the road going directly to the tank:

(click for full size)

Retro!

Matthew

Frustrated...

2009-05-12T20:51:00.002-05:00

I am frustrated at lots of things today... I am just having a bad day. I am sad.

Then I read my second to last post... that makes me slightly happier.

Matthew

Down...

2009-05-05T05:01:00.003-05:00

According to Google Analytics, visits are down on this blog 46.21%. Hmm, think if I posted more it would go back up?

Matthew

Isaiah 12

2009-04-29T01:00:00.002-05:00

I will praise you, O LORD. Although you were angry with me, your anger has turned away and you have comforted me.

Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation....

Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done, and proclaim that his name is exalted.

Sing to the LORD, for he has done glorious things; let this be known to all the world.

Shout aloud and sing for joy, people of Zion, for great is the Holy One of Israel among you.
~Isaiah 12

Matthew

Perspective

2009-04-28T02:41:00.003-05:00

Since April 13th (15 days ago), 152 people have died from the "Swine Flu" (all in Mexico). The media is calling this an epidemic.

Let's put that into perspective. In that same amount of time (15 days), there have been about 49560 abortions in America alone. That's just under fifty thousand!

152 ... 50,000

Which is the epidemic again?

Matthew

Sleep...

2009-04-21T04:27:00.003-05:00

Granted, I am writing this at 4:30 AM, so I am at my worst, but this will just show out my true emotions (and I guess my bad English).

I am really tired of my sleep schedule. My job at Swagit keeps me up late: usually Monday nights I get home around 1 or 2 AM, but sometimes there are nights like tonight where at 4:30 I am looking at at least another hour, probably two, plus an hour drive home (don't worry, I am plenty awake... I will stop and get donuts on the way). Tuesday nights I tend to have the same hours as Monday nights, but I sleep at work, so that saves me an hour drive home. Wednesday I am up early ("early" = 10 AM) and I work through 5 PM at which point I drive to Bible Study (or more recently I just drive home because I feel so bad).

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I sleep until noon then stumble through the day. Sunday I am up at 7 AM for church, and I am awake all day for that.

See, the problem is not the late hours. I don't mind the 4, 5, or 6 AM drives home... that is, I wouldn't mind it if I could guarantee 8 hours of sleep. But that won't work because I have things I need to get to in the morning. For example, I have a staff meeting to go to tomorrow at 1 PM. 1 PM sounds late for most people, but think about it this way: the meeting is 8.5 hours from now. Minus 1 more hour of work tonight (that is being optimistic), a 1 hour drive home, and 20 minutes in the morning to drive to church, I am at 6 hours of sleep. And that doesn't count the time it takes me to get to sleep at night, the fact that I was planning on going to the post office in the morning to get my passport (I am now thinking about doing it later in the day), OR the fact that I was going to have a meeting with a guy before the meeting.

Not only is it that I can't get 8 hours of sleep at night, it is that I can't keep a constant sleep schedule. Because I have church early Sunday morning, I can't keep an all-nights-sleep schedule, it is constantly changing, constantly throwing my body for a loop.

I want to be clear, I am not speaking against Swagit here. I love this job, it pays well enough, and it takes care of the bills. (In fact it is these late nights that really pad my pay check.) Heck, I even have plenty of down time to write out a long blog post. But I find myself wishing I didn't have this job, simply so that I could get my sanity back.

I just wish there were a clear answer, a better way to do this. If only Swagit wasn't a night job, if only I didn't have to be awake in only a few hours... if only... if only life were easy. Wouldn't that be nice?

Then again, I look at some people who have to fight life so much more than I do, and I see how blessed I am, even with all of my "if only"s.

Please pray that God helps me through these physically tough days.

Matthew

Sermon

2009-04-06T21:52:00.002-05:00

I am working on a text document that would be the answer to the question "If you could give one sermon in your life what would it be?" The working title is:

My Challenge to all Americans: my first and only sermon
-or-
The Castration of America: how the church has failed American Men
-or-
Pornography, Lust, and Masturbation: three words you will never hear your pastor say

(and no, that is not three working titles, the above would be the title)

If you could give one sermon in your life, what would it be?

Matthew

Busy...

2009-04-01T23:58:00.003-05:00

I know I haven't posted here a lot recently, but that is because I have been very busy. I have been posting some on the AUMC AV blog because that is what my day is full of, and I have been posting a lot on Twitter. I post so much on Twitter because it is easy and fast, much easier and faster than writing out a blog post. So remember to catch me on Twitter, and I will try to post here more often!

Matthew

Prayers

2009-03-30T12:02:00.002-05:00

Please be praying for our pastor Kory Knott. From an all church e-mail: "Kory is hedging towards a relapse of pneumonia. He asks for your prayers of healing."

He is really sick and is taking a week off. Please be praying for his health and for a healthy return, as this coming Sunday is the first service in our new building and I know that he would be crushed if he weren't able to be there.

Matthew

OK fine...

2009-03-28T12:04:00.002-05:00

OK fine, here it is:

Day 0: Packing
Saturday 14th, at 11:50 PM

I am getting ready to go on the mission trip. We are leaving in T-6 hours, and I still haven't packed, and there is a few things I have left to do. But what the hey, I still consider myself a college kid, I should be used to this kind of lifestyle!

For family members: I am bringing my cell phone with me, but I will keep it off all day and just check messages at night. Please only leave a message if it is an emergency!

Oh, and I just got news that we will have access to wireless internet at our hotel, so I am bringing my laptop and I plan to use my blog for the purpose it was intended: an online diary! Every day I will post and talk about what happened in the day! I hope this works out!

Matthew

PS: I hope that they have some good looking ladies there, and if they do I hope I don't do anything rash!

Day 1: Driving
Sunday, the 15th, 9 PMish

What a great day!

This morning we finally left just after 8 AM (we were supposed to leave at 6, but the busses showed up late and one gal forgot her luggage at home so we drove all of the busses to her house... what a bad idea!). The bus ride was close to ten hours (the bathrooms on the charter bus help keep the time shorter, but they do drive under the speed limit). We watched some movies on the way up (Cars, Transformers, and Dumbo of all things), and we played card games and sang songs... what you would expect a bunch of college kids on a road trip would do.

We got here, barely had time to bring our stuff to our hotel rooms (nice place, we are staying at a Hilton, I hear they gave us huge reduced rates because Memphis isn't the Spring Break capital of the world and the manager likes what we stand for). Like I was saying, we just had time to drop off our stuff and run to the first night of the conference. They had some speaker up there, I don't remember his name, but he gave a stirring sermon about how we are to be missionaries to the world, but also to our local community. Somehow he made the point "Even Jesus always preached to his local community", although I don't know how he worked that in. And it is cool, because this conference has churches from all around America, both high school and college groups are here, so it is neat to meet people who are from afar.

Anywho, I am off. It has been a full day, we got back early because we have an early start tomorrow, but I can tell you I am loving this wireless internet! I just hope my leader doesn't find out I brought my laptop!

Matthew

Day 2: Gleaning
Monday, the 16th, 2009 at 10:30

Today started out early, 5:30 to be exact. And I mean, we left the hotel at 5:30, so we were awake long before that. We all jumped into our team vans (we dropped the charter busses for team vans during the week) and went, of all places, to a farm! Our group split up, half went to load sweet potatoes onto pallets, the other half gleaned the sweet potatoes. I was in the gleaning group.

Gleaning (if you don't know) is simply sorting the good sweet potatoes from the bad. So you have a large box (think of the large crates you see in the produce section with watermelons and beans) full of freshly picked sweet potatoes, and we empty the box and either throw them in the good pile, which is a large bag that gets shipped somewhere, or the bad pile, which is another large box.

But how is this helping the homeless, you ask? The entire operation is a non-prof, and all of the sweet potatoes were donated (it is not cost efficient for the farmers to glean them themselves because there are a lot of bad ones in these batches). So all of these sweet potatoes go to homeless shelters and soup kitchens.

Lunch was (thankfully not sweet potatoes) handmade sandwiches from a local shop, and they came with bags of chips and drinks. The sandwiches were good, but the chips and drinks... I never thought I would fall in love with a brand of potato chip, but I want to know where they make these so I can buy some and bring them back (note to self: they are called Jones Potato Chips), and the drink was amazing, it was an orange drink, but it wasn't orange juice and it wasn't orange soda, it was between the two. It had the natural orange flavor of OJ but it wasn't overly sweet like a soda, it was almost an orangeade (which are good themselves).

After lunch we went back to the conference, "The Rising". Today they made clear why they are calling it "The Rising", they are calling high school and college kids to rise up and minister to those around them. It is all about how to minister, not by going door to door and not by "preaching the gospel at the top of your lungs", it is all about going to where people are, helping them, and then sharing how your life was changed. Some pretty cool stuff.

Tonight we broke out into small groups, and they wanted to mix things up, so no small group had two people from the same church. Anywho, one girl in my small group stood out. I don't say this often, but DANG, she is HOT! I mean, she is the nicest looking woman that I have ever met. If I didn't believe in love at first sight before, I do now! lol

Anywho, I didn't catch her name, but I will definitely be looking for her tomorrow!

Well, they are calling for lights out, and it is now after 11, so I am off.

Matthew

Day 3: Cute
Tuesday 17, 11:00

I can't talk for long tonight, I have to head for the shower and get some sleep, but while my roommate is in the shower I have a moment to keep my promise to type out a blog every day.

Today we cleaned up a very old cemetery that was overgrown. We cut lots of weeds and hauled off branches, I am still sore (it feels good to be sore sometimes!).

After lunch we went back to the church for more conference. I got very lucky and the first thing we did was get back into small groups, and they asked us to get back in the SAME small group! Yea for me! I found out her name is CJ, to which I commented "Like the girl in 'The West Wing'", and she kinda blushed and pushed it off, so I did to.

After the small group and the sermon for the afternoon the entire conference had dinner together, which was different. Of course I tracked CJ down and sat next to her. I never considered myself a flirt, but I was today! She talked about how she grew up in Utah and went to the same school that Elizabeth Smart went to (remember her, she was kidnapped a few years ago). She didn't know Elizabeth directly, but it shook up the community.

Anywho, Joel is out of the shower, so I have to go. ttfn! (for mom: "Ta ta for now!")

Matthew

Day 4: Squashed
Wednesday 18th, some time after 11

Today was a handful! We stared off the morning serving breakfast at a soup kitchen, we then prepared and served lunch, then it was back to the church for the Red Revolution (another name for the conference).

Funny thing: on the way back from the soup kitchen (we had walked because it was close), I almost got ran over! The group was lagging behind me, and I wanted some exercise so I went on ahead, I had a little green walking light, I even looked both ways, but out of nowhere here comes this white Chevy truck (was it Rhonda's sister?) peeling down the road and it nearly hit me. Thankfully I didn't die, but I will be more careful next time! I call it funny, I didn't think it was funny at the time, but one day I will!

Anywho, after the sermon this evening I was once again able to hang out with CJ! I found out why she was ashamed when I brought up "The West Wing" yesterday, because her name is Claudia Jean Craig, just like the woman on the show! They totally took her name!

But then she dropped another bombshell on me. Apparently she could tell I was into her, and she wanted me to know something going forward. She said that while she is here with a Baptist church, she is actually Mormon. Her mom made her come on the mission trip with a college group that she isn't a part of, they just brought her along.

So I am at a cross roads, I am struggling. I feel pretty adamant that the Mormons are wrong, but she is such an amazing person. I mean, is it wrong to date a Mormon? Do I try to persuade her from her ways? Then again, I am getting ahead of myself because she lives in New Mexico, but have I said that she is amazingly cute?

Oh well, I will sleep on it. Who knows, she may not like me. But I will tell you this: I am NOT going to get married in a Mormon temple!

Matthew

Day 5: sleepy
Thursday, the 19th, 2009

Long day, very tired, built a wheelchair ramp and painted it gray (don't ask), ate lunch, more small groups and sermons. Talked to CJ about her religion, and she made some good points. Night.

Matthew

Day 6: Mormons
Friday the 20th (one week after Friday the 13th!) just before noon

Well, I thought a lot about what CJ said as I tried to sleep last night. And I can't say that I am a Mormon yet, but I will say that she made some good points.

Just as we believe the Bible was breathed to life through men (a lot through Paul in the NT), the Mormons believe that Joseph Smith was led by God. God led him to the location of the tablets and God breathed meaning into Smith to make the right translation.

There is also historical proof that Jesus came to the Americas during that time period, there are paintings and sculptures. The Mormon faith is established through many elders and has been around for a long time, it has an established base of may believers, so it can't all be wrong, right?!?

So I am not going to be running off to get "Mormon Baptized" just yet, but it has my gears turning. I thought I had blocked out Orson Scott Card's attempt to indoctrinate me, but I guess I didn't.

Anywho, everyone is packing up, we are checking out of the hotel this afternoon and driving back through the night. We should be back in Denton by tomorrow morning, see you then!

Matthew

EDIT: 5 PM: OK, I did it. I took the plunge... wow, what a pun. CJ talked me into it, and after lunch we snuck away from the group to a Mormon Temple and I was baptized. CJ and I have fallen madly in love with each other, so we are going to leave the rest of the group, drive to Las Vegas, and get married at a drive through Mormon Temple they have down there. Yup, I am eloping!

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Actually, yes I am.

I have to say: this whole thing was a sham. If this were an MTV reality show, Ashton Kutcher would be here right now shouting "You just got PUNK'D!"

In fact, I won't have access to the internet while I am in Memphis, I am writing all of this before I leave and it will be posted on a schedule. I thought I would do something that I don't normally do and pull a prank, a nice big juicy prank. I can't wait to read the e-mails I got from Stephen re: dating a Mormon. =: >

So everything you have read about on this blog since Sunday you can forget. Tomorrow morning there will be a post that will point out how I came up with all of this, and it will give a few clues that you may have had that would let you see through my sham.

Matthew

Day 7: Truth

(Note that the name of this post is "Truth", you can be assured that the previous posts were all a prank, but this post is all TRUE!)

Wow, that was fun. I started writing all of these posts just after midnight (IE: we are leaving in six hours, and I haven't packed, so I sit down and write all of this out!) and it is now just before two, so it took me about two hours to pull off this prank. I sincerely hope that no one was upset or offended at any point in this prank, it was designed to be harmless and fun, so if you were upset or offended, I am sorry. I also don't want to be offensive to the Mormon community. I think that Mormons are wrong, but I don't mean to be disrespectful to you.

Here is a journal that will tell you about how I came up with this prank, feel free to follow along with the original posts:

Day 0: The first paragraph here is entirely true. We were leaving in six hours, I hadn’t packed, and the “few things I have left to do” is to write these posts! The second paragraph is made up. I added the “PS” about good looking ladies to help throw some suspicion in there. I was worried that if I didn’t do anything like that, then the prank would be taken too seriously, but with a line like that some people would figure it out a little sooner, IE: that line was to make the prank more fun and less offensive... although I don’t know if it worked.

Day 1: I made up the story about going to the girl’s house to get her things. I picked the movies “Transformers” and “Dumbo” because last summer I did a job where I showed those two movies at a Home Owner’s Association event. “Cars” I threw in there because I thought it would be a movie a group of college kids would watch on a bus. The rest of the post was made up because I thought it was fun. (However, the part about the conference being made of high school and college groups from around America is true.)

Day 2: Gleaning sweet potatoes. That is actually something that we did last year in Washington DC, and as they say, all lies have a kernel of truth in them! So the story is actually personally correct, just the wrong year. The lunch story I stole from our Hawaii trip (Sara should remember it, it is from our canoe trip). The rest I made up.

Day 3: The cemetery bit is true. As I understand it, one thing we will do this week is clean up an overgrown cemetery. I got CJ’s name from the show The West Wing. CJ Craig was the White House Press Secretary, then she became the Chief of Staff. If you have ever seen The West Wing, this may have tipped you off (remember I just finished watching all 7 seasons?). I threw out the Elizabeth Smart story just to throw some detail in. In fact, I was personally in Utah when Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped, my dad and I were there on a job at the time, and I remember watching all of the news coverage.

Day 4: The “almost getting run over” story was a throwback to middle school when I went to Washington DC the first time. I had a reputation for not waiting for the whole group before I walked across the street, so there was this inside joke about me getting run over.

Day 5: The gray wheelchair ramp came from our days at UMARMY which was the mission trip we went to when we were kids. We built a lot of ramps, and we could only paint it white or gray, unless they supplied the paint.

Day 6: The fun day! The day I get to come clean! I don’t feel like doing research about Mormonism, so I am making this all up! The “historical proof” I made up. And I sure HOPE there isn’t a drive through Mormon Temple in Las Vegas!

Day 7: And here we are. I was able to pull off this prank due to the fact that you can future date posts in Blogger and they will post when you tell them to. Thanks Blogger!

Well I am off, it is now 2:20 AM, we are leaving in less than four hours and I STILL HAVEN't PACKED! Don't all great trips start this way?

Matthew

That other site...

2009-03-25T23:14:00.002-05:00

Sorry I haven't been posting as much, but I have been over at my other blog: AUMC AV Blog. As we make the move to the new church (about 10 days away now from our first Sunday service in there), I am posting more and more at the other blog. So check up with me there!

Matthew

"You just got PUNK'D!"

2009-03-21T22:03:00.002-05:00

OK, so here's the deal. The night before I left for Memphis I had a great idea: "It would be fun to write up some blog posts before I leave about how the week gets progressively strange and set it up so that the posts get posted while I am gone... that would be fun!"

So I did just that. At midnight the night before we left (AKA: we were leaving in 6 hours) I sat down and wrote out 8 blog posts and post-dated them so that they would come out during the week. Truth is: I made up the post about me bringing my laptop to write the posts, it was all written before I left! The stories about us driving up, the gleaning of the potatoes, and cleaning out the cemetery were all made up.

But like the saying goes, even the biggest lies have a kernel of truth. The gleaning story is based on our trip last year to Washington DC in which I did glean sweet potatoes, and the cleaning of the cemetery we did do this week (I knew we were going to do it, so I wrote it into the post).

The backbone of the story, the part that was going to be most absurd, was how I was going to meet this girl named CJ (who turns out to be Mormon, which Mother somehow guessed) and fall madly in love with her. By the end (Friday) the story culminated in "CJ and I have fallen madly in love with each other, so we are going to leave the rest of the group, drive to Las Vegas, and get married at a drive through Mormon Temple they have down there. Yup, I am eloping!" At that point I came out and revealed that it was all a prank, and I explained how everything worked. I even had a separate post about how I came up with all of the wild stories.

So all of this was typed out and organized in about two hours the morning before we left. While on the trip the posts posted right on schedule, everything was working just as planned. But as the days went by, I kept worrying about the prank, I kept worrying that it was too much, that it was over the top. Then, Wednesday night we had a great worship session, and I kept worrying about the posts, and I thought: "If I can't get it out of my head, maybe this is a sign, a *nudge nudge* from the Holy Spirit saying that it needs to stop". So that night I went to the hotel lobby where there were some computers and I stopped the posts that were scheduled to come out. In fact, I stopped Wednesday night's post 10 minutes before it was scheduled to come out.

So I stopped the prank not because I thought that there was anything specifically wrong with it, I just felt like I should. It may just be one of those "I don't see how it subtracts glory from God, but it doesn't add glory to God, so is it worth it?"

I still have all of the text, and I will probably post it all soon, but I just wanted to let you know that that is the reason that I deleted the posts. It was all a sham, a prank, and I wanted to set the record straight.

Matthew

Home!

2009-03-21T08:22:00.001-05:00

I am home safe, I am off to nap, more news later.

Matthew

Colossians 3:1-17

2009-03-14T02:34:00.002-05:00

Yes, this is only my second post in March... who knew I would go into a blog-writing slump? Or should I blame it on me being on Twitter now?

But I digress, on to the point of this post:

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

~Colossians 3:1-17

Matthew

How the church has failed America

2009-03-03T00:16:00.004-06:00

(I am rather sleep deprived right now and my mind kinda hurts, so if I ramble, forgive me... but I think this post will be worth your time to read.)

Recently my struggles with lust have increased. I continually feel bombarded with temptations and attacks, and I can't always say I am successful in fending them off.

Because of this I have been struggling with a somewhat related religious paradox: How is it that I can be a Christian and still sin so much? I know that being a Christian doesn't mean I stop sinning; I understand that Christians sin. But how could it be that when I struggle with something and fail, over and over, how could God still forgive me? Am I a bad Christian if my temptations win over me?

Last night I was thinking about this, and I sat down to read my Bible (as I do every night). My Bible Book Marker (the obligatory ribbon attached to all Bibles) was on Romans 4 (where we were studying in Bible study), so I started reading that chapter. Here is what Paul says at the end of the chapter:

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why "it was credited to him as righteousness." The words "it was credited to him" were written not for him alone, but also for us, to whom God will credit righteousness—for us who believe in him who raised Jesus our Lord from the dead. He was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification. ~Romans 4:18-25

Wow, that is a lot of deep theology. Let's break that down:

Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be."

Before this, Paul is talking about how Abraham was saved not because of his works or because of his circumcision, but because of his faith in God. God told him "Count the stars... that is how many children you will have." Abraham couldn't have a child with Sara, yet his faith did not fail. He "in hope believed and so became the father of many nations", IE: "Abraham had a faith in God so strong, and God delivered his promises."

Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah's womb was also dead.

This is the part that stirs me! Abraham's body was "as good as dead" (not meaning that he was feeble and frail at an old age, it means that he was too old to father a child). Just as Abraham's body was dead, so my body is dead in sin. I struggle with sin every day, every hour, every minute. And I don't mean that as a hyperbole, I regularly have temptations surround me every minute of the day. And because I sometimes fall to these temptations, my body is dead in sin. So, should I give up hope? Has all of my struggling been in vein? Abraham's body was dead, so let's see what he did:

Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.

Abraham said "Here are the facts: a) God made a promise and b) God is powerful enough to fulfill his promise. So why should my faith waver?" It even says that his faith was strengthened because the older he got, the more power God would need to fulfill the promise.

Shouldn't I (we) have the same attitude? Yes, I am dead in sin, and just like the frog trying to get out of the well, for every two feet forward I move, I move back a foot... but that just shows how powerful God is! He has promised that he will forgive me for my actions. This doesn't mean I can go out and sin as much as I want, but as long as I am moving forward two steps, God has promised to forgive me the step I fall back.

In a completely related rant: Our churches have failed us.

I fully believe that the "American Church", IE: the institution that is the church as a whole, has failed young men in America. It has dropped the ball, it has fallen short, it has utterly failed us. Let me explain...

One of the most important things for a Christian to do is to have accountability. In our world of constant sin and temptations, it is extremely important for Christians to have an outside opinion on what they are doing, to steer them down the right path, to pray for them and to help them in times of need. Accountability partners don't have to be called "accountability partners", they just need to be a good friend to the person. And it doesn't have to be a person, it could be a small group, or a church that is always looking out for it's congregants.

But the accountability idea only works if the partner knows what is going on in your life. If your friend doesn't know you are struggling, how are they supposed to help?

And this is how the church has failed us: Churches have decided not to talk about issues such as masturbation, pornography, and lust. Simply by not talking about it, they have made masturbation and pornography taboo to talk about, even (especially) among Christians. It was hard for me to come out about my pornography addiction, and even harder to type the post about masturbation... BUT IT SHOULDN'T BE HARD! These are issues that should be talked about open and freely. Yes, the topic should be handled with care, but it shouldn't be something that you have to whisper in a dark room.

If Christians had an open attitude about masturbation and pornography, then they would share their struggles with their accountability partners (IE: friends, small groups, pastors...), and the partners would help as the person struggled. If, ten years ago, someone knew about my pornography addiction and they held me accountable, then I wouldn't have struggled with it for so long, I would have felt compelled to stop. And as I try to find answers to the masturbation question, the biggest struggle is the taboo barrier, IE: it is just hard to sit down with a pastor and ask them "So, what is your opinion on masturbation?" Another example: the other night at small group we broke up into guys and girls, and I asked the guys to be praying for me as I struggled with something, and even though I had talked openly about masturbation here on my blog, I couldn't bring myself to come out and say the issue I was struggling with. I resulted in sending them an e-mail later with a link to my blog.

If the church would speak out against sexual sin openly, then young men wouldn't be falling to this sin every day. Online pornography is the FASTEST growing addiction in America, and the church has done NOTHING about it! When will the church realize that they have failed every young man in America by ignoring the biggest sin in their lives? Sadly, not soon enough...

Matthew

A great night...

2009-02-26T03:21:00.003-06:00

I had a great night tonight!

After small group an even smaller group of us went out and hung out at IHOP for a few hours to celebrate Sara's birthday. After that the ladies left and us guys stayed and chatted for a while. On the way home I rocked out to some great music...

The worst part of a great night is that it has to end... the other bad part is that I got home after 2 and I wasn't able to buy some Boones Farm Wine like I had wanted to... oh well, I will have to wait for another day to start drinking.

Matthew

Kory...

2009-02-19T16:48:00.002-06:00

I just got word that our pastor, Kory Knott, has come down with pneumonia. He has missed two out of the last three weeks and will probably miss a few more weeks. Please be praying for him and our church for healing and understanding.

Matthew

Where did I go?

2009-02-18T15:47:00.003-06:00

My template is not working right... I think my mom messed with it so that I would have to change it back...

EDIT: OK, that fixed it... I don't know what I did, but it is fixed.

Matthew

Fighting Demons

2009-02-16T20:04:00.002-06:00

Apparently my powers of self-restraint are not as good as I once thought... and fighting this addiction is proving to be hard.

No, I haven't slipped off the bandwagon yet, but I keep getting close. Please pray for me while I fight these demons that just won't let go.

Matthew

Ads...

2009-02-14T10:43:00.003-06:00

I was thinking about turning on advertisements in my blog. It means I would make money (how much, I don't know), but it would cheapen my blog to see ads in the sidebar... what do you think? Would you mind, or should I keep them off?

Matthew

The Attack of the beards...

2009-02-13T14:00:00.001-06:00

So Joaquin Phoenix was on David Letterman last night (YouTube link) and he was supporting a chin 'fro. That got me to thinking...

So either Joaquin Phoenix just got out of the Marines, or Hurley just quit his acting job and is pursuing a career in pop music.

You decide.

Matthew

The "M" Word (yes, I stole that title)

2009-02-11T16:00:00.001-06:00

So this post is tough for me. This is something that I have had on the back of my mind for many years now but I have only recently (the last 24 hours) spent a decent amount of time thinking about it and researching it. (In comparison, when I came out about my pornography addiction in my post "'It is Finished'", I had thought specifically word-for-word [joke-for-joke] what I would say for at least a week before I wrote it, and even then I waited five days to actually post it.) This post is also tough to write about because not only is it a controversial issue, it is extremely taboo. Christians will do ANYTHING to not talk about The "M" Word.

Note: Due to something that I recently read (I will get to that later), and my firm belief that these subjects should NOT be taboo or secretive, I will from now on speak of the topic openly. No more euphemisms or beating around the bush, I am going to speak my mind as it is. So note that this topic is not for sensitive ears, but I will try to keep this PG-13 topic as PG as possible. And I know that there will be some people that say I went too far, that I said too much, that I made this too personal. Well, you may be right, but this is the level of frankness that is needed to solve this issue (or at least to try to understand it). So feel free to close this browser window at any time, no one is forcing you to read about my personal life.

EDIT: After reading over the entire post, I realize that it is indeed very personal and it probably shouldn't be the topic of public debate. (Public not being the same as open... it should be a topic of open debate, but possibly not a topic for public debate.) In fact, I understand that I probably shouldn't be posting this. But I categorically refuse to be silent about these topics that are ruining people's lives. If Christians (especially pastors) were vocal about these issues, there would be much less of a problem. So, be doubled warned: personal information is ahead. Oh, and know that I have tried to make this post as gender-neutral friendly as possible, even though with the topic it can be rather hard to do so.

Moving on...

The subject I am reluctant to name is masturbation. Recently I had a great talk with a friend as we shared our testimonies. As I alluded to in my "It is Finished" post, I no longer give my testimony without explaining my pornography addiction, which has directly shaped my spiritual life for the past two years. So it makes sense to share it along with the rest of my testimony.

As our conversation was coming to a close, he asked me: "Have you ever read the book Porn-Again Christian?" I said no, and we explained it was a book by pastor Mark Driscoll that was so controversial he cannot find a publisher to publish it. (They don't have to read much past the book's subtitle: "A frank discussion on pornography and masturbation".) Because he could not find a publisher, Driscoll has published the book under a Creative Commons license, which means you have permission to download a copy of the book for free, print it yourself, and share it as you see fit. Go here to read the book online (has hyperlinks for the bible verses, which is nice), download a copy to print, or order a self-published version of the book ($5.64).

Anywho, my friend gave me a copy of the printed out version of the book, and I went home and read most of it it in two hours (it is only 50 pages long). One of the things that sets this book apart is that it lives up to it's subtitle. The language is very frank, often using phrases that are often suited for the locker room. I think that he did this because he doesn't want to be a snuffy professor, an educated theologian, an essay writer. He wants to be "one of the guys", he wants to make a personal connection by using slang. The talk isn't trashy, it isn't perverted, it is just open and frank. It was in this idea that I write this post. Yes, this post is personal and taboo, but all of it is true, and none of it is spoken to get a rise out of you.

But getting back to the book: it starts off with the theoretical (IE: why we are to fear the Lord, and what that has to do with this topic), and then goes to the practical (what stuff is and isn't a sin). For me, most of it was "ya, ya, I know that already", but one of the chapters rekindled a problem that I have been trying to solve.

See, even though I gave up my pornography addiction about five years ago, I have continued to be involved with masturbation. In the past I have done a little research and found some good arguments for and against the topic, but nothing solid, nothing that tipped the scale either way. So since then I have continued this practice without solving for myself the theological side of it. I just thought "as long as I don't lust, it isn't a sin."

But now I am revisiting the topic. For me, there are two questions to answer:
1) Is masturbation inherently a sin or unnatural?
2) If it isn't a sin/unnatural, is it OK to do it as long as you don't lust?

For the first question, most arguments saying it is a sin center around the idea that sex is intended to be done with a partner, not alone. This argument says that "[sexual pleasure] should be for bonding between a man and his wife." (link)

My main rebuttal to this is best put by Mark Driscoll: "Though the practice is as old as the Scriptures, the Bible's silence on the matter should cause us to avoid calling something a sin that God does not." (Page 20) In other words: "Don't put words in God's mouth calling it a sin when he doesn't." In this instance, Mark Driscoll says that "we must examine the issue" and decide for ourselves. This is not an argument that says "The Bible doesn't say it is a sin, therefore it is not a sin," the argument says "the Bible doesn't say, let's figure it out ourselves." (And that is what this post is for.)

My other rebuttal to masturbation = sin is admittedly selfish: "But I want what is mine," meaning: if I have the tools to get something done, and I enjoy doing it, then why not do it? And what about if I never get married? Even Paul says "It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am" (link). And what about homosexuals, who aren't allowed (by religious law) to receive their gratification the way that they want to, and it wouldn't be very biblical for a homosexual to marry simply to have sex, IE: marry without love... are homosexuals bound to live their lives without having an orgasm? (Then again, this logic is flawed: having an orgasm isn't a right, it is a gift from God that not everyone will experience.)

So in the end, I am not convinced that masturbation = sin. I see plenty of evidence for the idea that sex is for married folk, but I see a lack of evidence when talking about self-gratification.

So if masturbation isn't a sin, is it OK to do it if you don't lust? Actually the real question is: is it possible to masturbate without lusting? For a long time I thought I could (and I thought I was), but now that I look back, I am not so sure. John Piper so eloquently said "I cannot imagine sexual orgasm in the loins without sexual image in the mind." (link) The more I go through life, the more I see things his way. I am starting to see that I was only kidding myself when I said I wasn't lusting these last five years. In reality, as Piper said, it is downright near impossible to masturbate without thinking any sexual thoughts.

I will put it another way. A few months ago I posted about the similarities of lust addiction and alcohol addiction. At the time I was thinking about how similar the two addictions are. I would start by thinking "just as a recovering alcoholic can never have a drink again, so a person recovering from a lust addiction can never lust again." I then took it to the next level thinking "recovering alcoholics shouldn't even enter a bar for the rest of their lives as to not tempt themselves..." But so then shouldn't a person recovering from a lust addiction never masturbate again as to not tempt themselves? Why do something that brings me anywhere near the evil that invaded my life for 10 years?

So I agree with Driskoll when he says "It is most certainly possible that a man could masturbate without violating these simple biblical principles, but [it is] highly unlikely." (Page 21)

Moving from the theology to the practical... (This is where it gets rather personal... as I said, I am going to be as honest and open as possible [or as Driscoll called it "frank"], so this section might be TMI.)

In thinking about if I should stop or not, I asked myself: "If you say you aren't lusting, then why are you doing it?" I don't think I do it out of compulsion, meaning I don't do it for no reason. It does have benefits to it. I often use it as a way to relax, a way to unwind. The sexual tension that builds up makes my entire body tense. Seeing as I don't always want to be tense, I want to be able to find something that relaxes me.

Most people (including me) find hot showers to be something that relaxes their tense muscles (to clarify: a hot shower doesn't relieve sexual tension, it relieves tense muscles). To not masturbate would be like for the rest of your life you can only take cold showers. And I don't mean "Oh, the hot water heater is broken" kind of cold, I mean "I have been working at UPS in 30 degree temperature outside for 8 hours, and I get home and all I want to do is warm up and relax with a nice warm shower... what? THERE IS NO HOT WATER?!?!?!?" (sadly, this is a true story) If I were to find something that would be a good substitute to help relieve my sexual tension, then I could make a switch, but so far I haven't found that type of release any other way.

But this is a catch-22. As Mark Driscoll puts it:

...[M]asturbating does temporarily relieve sexual urges and frustrations, but also causes greater and more frequent biological urges for additional ejaculations. Practically, as the body emits semen it then quickly produces more so that supply can keep up with demand. So, a man who masturbates to ejaculation will find himself masturbating with increasing frequency as his body continues to demand more frequent relief, thus negating his original goal of masturbating to relieve sexual frustration. (Page 21, 22)

But moving past the sexual release, it is the best feeling that my body receives. Even before the orgasm, the sensation is pleasurable (foreplay is more than for "getting in the mood"). To not receive that pleasure would be like telling me when I was a kid "no more back scratches from mommy." Oh the humanity! But seriously: that would suck!

Our bodies are built to receive pleasure when certain parts of our bodies are stimulated. (Getting back into the theology...) God designed our bodies to always receive this pleasure, not just when we are married. He might want us to only feel it when we are married, but the opportunity for the physical pleasure is always there... is that proof that we can enjoy this pleasure by ourselves, or is this an example of something that we have to give up for the glory of God?

And I will say, when I would outright lust (IE: look at pornography), I knew it was wrong. There was something (IE: the holy spirit) inside of me SCREAMING that it was wrong. With masturbation, there is some guilt that I have, but it is very small, just a whisper compared to the screaming before. But just as over time your ears will grow more accustomed to hearing a whisper, and thus it sounds louder, so this feeling of guilt (or is it a fear that I am doing something wrong?) has not grown louder, but more audible. Is this the third arm of the trinity speaking to me telling me to stop, is it just my religious side getting worried about things that shouldn't be worried about, or is the guilt that I feel not about the masturbation but about the lust that goes along with it?

So where are we? After 2025+ words and 4 hours of writing and researching [now over 3000 words and an additional 2+ hours of editing], what have we decided? To put it most bluntly: parts of me would be fine giving up masturbation (the part that feels the guilt and shame of breaking my 5-year-old promise to God), but other parts would crave that release (such as the muscles that I can already feeling tense up). To put it another way (this is the first time I am thinking of it in these terms): my spirit says to stop, but my body wants to keep doing it. When you put it THAT way it sounds like an easy decision. (Maybe I should have just put that sentence at the top of this post and gotten over it...)

What are your thoughts? I know that the majority of readers here are married, and I want a married person's opinion for a single guy like me. What should I do, what questions do I need to ask, what answers do I need to look for, where do I go from here? Feel free to leave a reply below (anonymously if you want to) or send me an e-mail with your thoughts. Calling on the phone also works, but talking out loud about such topics is still rather awkward. But however it may be, give me your input, and as always please continue to pray for me as I search out God's truth.

EDIT: So after I wrote the above post I thought about it some more while trying to fall asleep, and I made a random connection: I was thinking how much my life is like Jonah's. Jonah was determined to defy God's orders, so he tried to sail as far away as he could. But God wouldn't be undermined so easily, go God sent a storm to derail Jonah... think about it, God used a huge natural disaster to get one person to go where he wanted. Next God used a large fish to transport Jonah to where he needed to go. After Jonah preached his message to the Ninevites, his faith wavered again, and God sent a plant to shelter Jonah, and finally God sent a worm to kill the plant to teach Jonah one final lesson.

God went from a natural disaster to a large fish to a plant to a worm, all to get the attention of a single man. In our lives, doesn't God work from big to small? Doesn't he get the log out of our own eye before he tries to get the splinter out? (I know, that metaphor doesn't really fit, but it works.) Doesn't it make sense that God would say "Matthew, first we are going to take care of your lust problem... I know that you will continue to sin through masturbation, but there are bigger problems in your life, we will address that issue later."

The more I think about it, the more I soul search, the more I think: God is now addressing the issue.

To sum it all up, I feel a calling from God to stop masturbating. I don't think that it is inherently a sin, but it is not something that I should be doing because of my past lusting problems. Please pray for me while I struggle with the spiritual decision and the physical withdrawal.

Matthew

PS: My boss said that as long as I am working on this post at work I have to do what he says. (He only knows I am writing a long post, he doesn't know what it is about.) So, here you go Bryan: "Just call me muffins!" (don't ask)

PPS: You know, if I were to find myself a wife this entire issue would be moot... or at least more moot.

PPPS: Final word count (including this post script): 3068

A teaser...

2009-02-11T03:36:00.002-06:00

There has been something that has troubled me for a long time, but I have only recently made an effort to address the issue. I just wrote out a 2250 word essay on this topic, and I would post it, but I like to read over all of my posts before I post them to edit them, make sure the spelling/grammar is correct, and make sure it flows like I intended it to. But seeing at it is 3:40 AM, and I have to be awake in 6 hours, and I am already tired as it is, I am going to push off posting it until I have had time to read over it. I might have some down time during work tomorrow, but you never know...

Until then, I thought I would add one last teaser: the title of the post is: The "M" Word (yes, I stole that title)

Matthew

More on weather...

2009-02-10T21:37:00.003-06:00

Just to let people know I have started to post on my Twitter feed:

http://twitter.com/katanna

For those that don't know what Twitter is (IE: mother): it is kinda a mini blog. It is limited to 140 letters, so it has to be short. It is more of "what I am doing right now" type of things where a blog is longer form.

My latest post: I am here at work in Plano and the tornado sirens are going off... I think I am going to go cower in the shower.

Actually, I think I am going to go outside and enjoy the storm blowing in (as work permits it of course... oh, and don't worry, the sirens have turned off by now).

Matthew

Weather...

2009-02-10T12:11:00.002-06:00

I am really enjoying the weather this week.

It is cool, it is breezy... some people don't like it because there is always cloud cover, but I kinda enjoy that too: it helps keep it cool and breezy!

So while others keep scoffing about the rain and clouds, it just gives me reason to open my windows!

Matthew

Pizza?

2009-02-02T00:15:00.003-06:00

The Dave Ramsey side of me says "you should deliver pizza to help pay off your debt." And that side makes a lot of sense... as it is I am currently working less than 30 hours a week and most Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays I have nothing scheduled... well those are the busy pizza nights!

Should I consider this as an option, or am I just completely plastered from the wine I had tonight?

The other part of me says "Just go try it for a few weeks... if you don't like it, you can quit... and you will still have beaten Stephen's record for shortest job ever."

Another part of me says "Go back to work at Chick-fil-A... at least you know the work there."

I bet you didn't know I had so many parts to me...

Matthew

Love

2009-01-28T14:13:00.003-06:00

Someone in my family has often told me "You are blessed, and you deserve it," but I respectfully disagree.

The covenant (promise) that God made with us through Jesus is simple: "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die." (John 11:25-26) That is to say, the promise between me and God is simple: I believe that Jesus died for my sins and I have made him the Lord of my life, and in return God will forgive my sins (which Jesus paid for). Yes, there is much more to it than that, but that is the Matthew's Quick Bible Translation version.

At it's core, it is as simple as "believe and you will be saved." You don't have to physically DO anything to be saved. You don't have to volunteer at soup kitchens once a month, or go to church every Sunday morning, or read your Bible on a regular basis, or even tithe, "for it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9, emphasis mine)

So why do I do the things listed above, like volunteer, go to church, and tithe? There is nothing in the covenant that says I have to, so why do it? It is because I want to. I have made Jesus the Lord of my life, which means that my only desire is to advance the kingdom. (I never did like the phrase "advance the kingdom", it always sounded churchy to me, but it best describes what I mean.) I want to glorify Jesus and God, I want to bring others to know the happiness that I know, so I focus my life on glorifying God. But I do these things with no strings attached. I don't do them so that God will give me blessings, I don't do them so that God listens to my prayers, and I don't do it so that I can get into heaven. I do it because I want to.

Similarly, there is no fine print in the covenant that says that God has to bless my life. No where in the promise does it say that God will make my life easy, or that the more I believe the more money I will have. (This is called the "Prosperity Gospel", and it is preached by many well-known Evangelical pastors and televangelists such as Joel Osteen and Pat Robertson.) This view is simply not biblical, as for every verse you can show me that supports it, I can show you two that argue against it. (The page linked to above has good for and against Bible verses.)

So if God doesn't have to bless my life, why does he? Because he wants to. He desires for my life to be amazing and blessed. But there is no guarantee of this, there is no promise that God will bless me.

This is the beauty of the relationship between me and God. We don't HAVE to do anything for each other outside of the covenant. Remember, the covenant simply says that I will always make him Lord of my life, and He will forgive me of my sins. Outside of that, everything that we do for each other is a gift, a voluntary blessing on the other.

On a side note: this argument could also be made for marriage. Too often people get married with conditions, for example: "I will love you as long as you love me and show your love to me." That sounds innocent, but the "show your love to me" is really a condition. It means "I will love you as long as you do things for me, as long as you cook for me and rub my feet at the end of a hard day." One person will often do things voluntarily out of love (say, give flowers), but when they do it they expect the other person to give something back. So the other person will do what is expected (a good foot rub, maybe), but then they expect something else back. (I will stop this story at the foot rubbing.)

The problem is that when things are done because it is expected, it is no longer done due to love. Love is not based on conditions or requirements, it is free from all small print. Instead of expecting a spouse to bring you flowers once a week, show true love and be grateful the few times that they do. And do things out of love, voluntarily, not because it is expected of you.

Back to the earlier topic: Just as I work for God because of my love for him and just as he blesses my life because he loves me, we don't do these things out of condition, we work free from any obligation. So no, I don't deserve to be blessed by God. I have spit in his face and gone against his will many times over, I have broken his laws and broken his heart, why do I deserve anything but for him to adhere to the strict letter of our contract? I don't deserve to be given anything except forgiveness. But he does bless me, many times over, because he loves me and he wants me to lead a joyful life.

So while Stephen picks apart the theology of this post, remember that God loves you and he doesn't bless you because of anything you have done or because you deserve it, but because he loves you and he freely shows this love with his blessings.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. ~1 Corinthians 13

Matthew

Whhaaaa!

2009-01-27T01:29:00.003-06:00

I feel like screaming... we have been watching the commercials for SIX MONTHS about the upcoming TV transition to digital, and now the date is being pushed back ANOTHER four months...

Do they really think that people are going to suddenly rise out of their arm chairs and leap for the chance to plug in a digital tuner? Does this prove that 6 months of daily advertising that the transition is coming didn't work? Or is this just some political ploy? Tune in at 10 for these answers, and a look at your 10view Forecast... that is, only if you have the right box plugged into your TV.

Matthew

A great day...

2009-01-25T14:29:00.002-06:00

Last week I was stressful for me. I was working on a video for church that had many problems, most of which were out of my control. I finished the video but wasn't crazy about the quality, both of the video I shot (it was grainy) and some video that was shot remotely, in California. But I did the best I could with what I had, including using some amazing music from Russel Martin called "Angelise", which I have recommended before. On top of that, I wasn't going to run the service, and with a specialized DVD I made for playing two videos with a pause in the middle, and seeing as I always get worried when a volunteer runs the service, I was stressed out big time.

So this morning I got to sleep in, and I went to the late service. I rarely go to AUMC when I am not running a service (something that I am trying to change), so I am not used to sitting in the pews for an hour. It is amazing how different a service is when you aren't running it. And the volunteer (David) did a great job, both overall during the entire service, and during the confusing video portion. I don't know why I ever worry about my volunteers, they always do amazing!

And the response to the video was amazing! I have never had so many people stop me and tell me how great the video was. God was able to use my talents, the talents of others for writing the script, the people in California that worked on it, God was even able to use the technical difficulties that we had last week to make it better this week. I realized that all of the stress was A) pointless, because God had it in his hands, and B) worth it, because in my service alone I saw five people crying during the video, and I was sitting in the second row, and the only people I could see were the choir! Kory (our pastor) said that he even cried the second service, even though he knew what was coming.

In thinking about writing this, I remembered the "memory verse" that Kory gave the congregation to memorize today: "We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose." ~Romans 8:28

It always amazes me how God continues to work in our lives. Thanks for your prayers and support last week when I asked for prayers; God obviously heard your prayers, and he answered them.

Matthew

Running...

2009-01-22T17:13:00.003-06:00

So, seeing as I moved, I had to come up with a new route to follow when I go running. Here it is:

Apparently, I can't draw a straight line (unlike at my last place).

Oh, and Wall-E was actually really good... no kidding, I thought it was great! I laughed at a lot of it (just like most Pixar movies), and the "environmental message" wasn't that bad.

Matthew

Wall-E

2009-01-21T22:55:00.002-06:00

So I just watched Wall-E, and all I have to say is: O. M. G.! The story, the humor, the graphics, the love interest between an old robot and a new robot... just wow!

I will be surprised if it doesn't win Oscar for Best Movie of the CENTRY! (Behind "Crash", that is...)

OK, I will admit, I lied... I haven't seen it yet, I just said the above to make Stephen angry (he never did like it when people disagreed with him). But I am about to sit down and watch it, so wish me luck?

Matthew

Almost Grandma's Chex Mix

2009-01-20T00:17:00.002-06:00

So, my grandmother makes some amazing Chex Mix... she cooks up a bunch and keeps them stored in the freezer in gallon zip top bags. Over Christmas I asked her for the recipe, and she looked it up out of some old dusty Church Fundraiser cook book (aren't those the best!), and she gave it to me. In the book it is listed as "1/2 batch".

But this "1/2 batch" calls for 8 boxes of cereal of various kinds. I wanted to make some of the chex mix, but 8 boxes is a bit much, so I had my recipe program print up a "1/2 batch" (of the 1/2 batch) recipe... that is to say, I made 1/4 of a "batch".

Here are the results:

Ya, it made A LOT! Enough for several parties. I figure it cost about $25 for everything.

Anywho, while the mix is cooling on the stove, I thought I would post the recipe that I used... that is my 1/4 batch recipe, not the recipe that I got from my grandmother (which you can get from her if you ask).

Almost Grandma's Chex Mix:
1 box corn chex
1 box rice chex
1 box Cheerios
1 box Kix
2 cans (4 cups each) mixed nuts
slightly less than 1 bag of pretzel sticks, broken into 1 inch peaces (I didn't use the whole bag)
1 tablespoon celery salt
1 tablespoon onion powder (I couldn't find onion salt)
1 tablespoon garlic salt
1 tablespoon cayenne pepper (keeps it pretty spicy, should keep my brother away from it)
1 bottle (10 oz) worcestershire sauce
about 8 oz butter (to note, the original recipe used less worcestershire sauce and more butter, but I rounded up to a bottle of sauce and rounded down to what was left in the tub of butter)

Melt the butter, sauce, and seasonings together and sprinkle over the chex mix. Bake at 200 or 250 for "several hours", IE: 2-3 hours

Matthew

Troublesome...

2009-01-17T21:29:00.002-06:00

I am annoyed-gry tonight... which is, of course, somewhere between annoyed and angry. Someone asked me to do a project, and I have been doing everything I can to get this project done, but the party who wants it done has been dragging their feet and creating roadblocks for me.

I am trying to sympathize with the problems that they are having, but their actions are causing half of the problems in the first place, and now I am put in a spot that I don't want to be in.

Please pray with me that this project will end well, and that my reaction to this project is God centered.

Matthew

Hans...

2009-01-16T00:45:00.003-06:00

So I am not usually a fan of random Web videos, and this one starts off thinking "this is going to be lame", but ten seconds later I was laughing very hard... Even mom may like this!?!

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

Matthew

Cold...

2009-01-15T22:24:00.001-06:00

It is 27 degrees outside, 60 degrees inside, and I just made piña coladas.

=: >

Matthew

Egregious...

2009-01-08T02:23:00.002-06:00

This is simply egregious: Adult Entertainment Industry Wants a Bailout

I am just warning you now that if the US government gives a dime to the adult industry I will be moving to New Zealand... or Canada, at least. This is an industry that SHOULD die out, so DON'T keep it afloat! I can just see the next headline: "Drug runners petition Congress for a bailout because it is harder to cross the border these days."

*shesh*

Matthew

Accountability

2009-01-08T02:16:00.002-06:00

"It is impossible to be held accountable for something that is kept a secret." ~Me

Matthew

Goals...

2009-01-07T01:25:00.003-06:00

I am listening to Dave Ramsey talk about goals and resolutions (who isn't this time of year?). He was talking about how important it is to write down your goals. Then he said:

"Goals that are not written down are wishes... they're dreams." ~ Dave Ramsey

How true that is!

What are your goals for 2009? Have you written them down?

Matthew

Soup...

2009-01-06T20:32:00.002-06:00

Here is the recipe for Almost Kelling Family Minestrone Soup:

1 pound of ground sausage
2 cans of Progresso Minestrone Soup
1 can of Rotel Tomatoes (get the spicy level you want)
1 can of beans of your choice, preferably black or kidney
1/2 can (or 1 small can) of corn

Brown the sausage, drain. To the sausage add all other ingredients, bring to a boil then lower the tempature and simmer for 10 minutes.

Serve with a bread product (such as crackers, chips, or tortillas) and a dollop of sour creme on top.

This is a great recipe... the only problem is that the noodles from the can of soup get overcooked... but then again, I like slightly undercooked (IE: "al dente") noodles. Enjoy!

Matthew

Astronomy...

2009-01-06T14:37:00.003-06:00

Great news! Scientists just recalculated the size of the Milky Way, and we are bigger than we thought!

This is great because we should always be re-evaluating science! I get excited every time we up and change the fundamentals of how we understand the universe. Lets look at some great examples of the past:

() Making one of the planets not a planet any more (R.I.P. Pluto)
() Realizing that the earth isn't flat, and the sun (and stars) don't rotate around us
() After proving that "life" (AKA: proteins) could be made from the "primordial soup" of earth, realizing that the mixture of gasses was wrong (mainly it had oxygen where the early Earth had none)
() Suddenly realizing that our calculations were off and that our galaxy has 50% more mass than it did yesterday

We should make these changes more often! How about we say that Proxima Centauri is no longer the closest star to the sun? (BTW, contrary to popular belief, Alpha Centauri isn't the closest star to the sun, Alpha Centauri is a star system.) I like the idea of the Earth having three moons... science, can you take care of that? Ohh, why don't we fix "global warming" by shrinking the sun a bit, would 10% do the trick?

*sigh* This has always been one of my main complaints about "science": it is always changing. What we call "truth" now will most certainly change in a few hundred years, so why even try to keep up with it?

But doesn't religion do the same thing? Just as the world around us never changes, just our understanding of it, God never changes, just our understanding of him. God is constant, but we are constantly reevaluating our understanding of him, always trying to draw closer to his truth. I guess the thing that makes me so mad about science changing is that they always claim that "What I just came up with today is true" where they should be saying "These are my findings, this is my understanding of what I see." To contrast, the core of my religion has always been "There is a constant God out there, I am simply trying to find his truth."

I guess the two are much more alike than I thought.

Matthew

Christmas Letters and Underwear

2009-01-04T11:20:00.002-06:00

Just so that it is known, I sent out my Christmas letters a few weeks ago. I don't want to post it here, so if anyone who is reading this didn't get one just ask and I will e-mail it to you.

On a completely unrelated note: underwear. Lately, my sock drawer has been getting shaggy. My black socks aren't black any more, my white socks have lots of holes, and my underwear... lets just say they are going the way of my white socks.

A few months ago I was talking to a friend of mine. We were shooting the breeze, and the question came up: what would you do with $1 million? His answer? "Wear a fresh pair of socks every day." If you think about it, you don't have to be a millionaire to do this ($2 per pair of socks X 365 days = $700 a year), but I still like the idea: such a little thing could make a big difference in your comfort level on a day-to-day basis.

So, paring together that conversation and the condition of my sock drawer, I decided to buy all new underwear and socks. I am not going to take it as far as wearing a fresh pair of socks every day, but at least for now, everything in my sock drawer is fresh and clean, without any holes that aren't supposed to be there.

So all of my older socks and underwear are going to Good Will, and I am going to be walking on fresh socks for a while.

What things do you do whose cost is small but makes a big difference in your life?

Matthew

PS: I never thought I would write a post that uses the word "underwear" 6 times. Oh well, live and learn. And no, I am not going to post pictures.

Yea!

2009-01-01T19:57:00.001-06:00

Yea! I am moved in!

It took two days, but all of my stuff has found it's new home. All of the boxes are broken down and in the trash, and all of the little things have been put away.

But I still have a few boxes in the kitchen yet...

Matthew

Zunegate...

2008-12-31T11:21:00.001-06:00

Sorry, I just had to post this link... it is just too funny.

Matthew

Christmas...

2008-12-27T22:36:00.002-06:00

Yes, I know that I haven't posted much recently, but I am on Christmas vacation, so I have a good excuse.

But I did want to post about our Christmas Eve services. We had it at Argyle High School because our current sanctuary isn't big enough (and because or new building isn't ready yet... still...). Both services went amazing!

Shh, don't tell anyone, but I had some tears in my eyes at Silent Night (my favorite Christmas song).

Pictures!

Before service:

During the second service:

More photos: Gallery

Matthew

Moving Day

2008-12-23T23:35:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow I am turning in the keys to my current apartment. I feel a bond to this place because I have been here 18 months, longer than any other place since well before college.

I am sad that I am moving again, knowing that I will probably move again in 6 or 12 months, but I had to get away from this place because they were raising my rent...

Anywho, tomorrow will be busy. I will turn in my keys, go run two Christmas Eve services, and go on down to Arlington where I will meet up with my brother and his lovely wife. The next day (Christmas day) we will drive to Austin for a lunch with my mother, then on to Grandmother's house we go.

I don't know why I tell you all of that... but I did. Deal with it.

Matthew

Photo Tag

2008-12-22T00:10:00.005-06:00

OK, so my sister didn't officially tag me, but I thought I would do it anyway.

This is a photo that I took at the Texas Renaissance Festival in high school. It was taken with black and white film, and I processed the film myself. This is a digital scan of that frame. To see the rest of the photos from that roll click here (including photos of Ded Bob!).

Instructions:
1. Go to the place where you store all of your pictures on your computer and open up the 4th folder
2. Open the 4th picture
3. Post the picture and give an explanation
4. Tag 4 people

Instead of tagging specific people, I am tagging everyone that is reading this. That is about four people...

Matthew

Cups...

2008-12-21T19:39:00.002-06:00

I have decided to give away all of the cups and mugs that I haven't used in many years (the ones that I have had since my freshman year in college and may have gotten used two or three times).

Anyone have a good ministry to give these to, or is Good Will good enough?

Matthew

Rick Warren

2008-12-19T22:44:00.004-06:00

A quick poll: who here hasn't heard of Rick Warren? I didn't think so...

I have mostly liked Rick Warren, he has done a lot of great things for people, but watching a Dateline interview with him tonight made me fall in love with the guy. 95% of what he said I would agree 100% on, and he held himself very well while answering tough questions.

Anywho, if you have a moment, watch it yourself. You will be impressed.

Part 1 (7 minutes, 16MB, right click save as)
Part 2 (9 minutes, 20MB, right click save as)

Matthew

Junk

2008-12-19T17:51:00.002-06:00

I have too much junk! The problem is trying to get rid of it, I am too nice to just throw it away...

So does anyone want old cell phones, a cordless phone, an N64 system, two iso-butane-propane tanks, a bed warmer that doesn't work, a Linkys router, or a Belkin 4 port USB hub?

That is about half of my list right now...

I am taking pictures and will post them on Craigslist or something.

Matthew

Sleeping...

2008-12-19T11:56:00.001-06:00

I e-mailed Stephen to tell him I was sleeping late and to not call me... I should have e-mailed the rest of the world as well.

Matthew

Addictions...

2008-12-19T00:28:00.002-06:00

I spent several hours tonight proofreading, printing, addressing, and otherwise getting my Christmas Letters ready. All I have to do is go to the post office and get a few more stamps... I hope there isn't a line... (yes, I know that there are machines that will give you stamps, but I am old fashioned, I like talking to a human...)

Anywho, I am watching old episodes of The West Wing. In one episode the president's Chief of Staff is talking to a female White House employee about his drug and alcohol addiction. Leo (the Chief of Staff) just finished telling Karen about how his father was an alcoholic and shot himself one night...

Karen: Is that why you drank and took drugs?
Leo: No, I drank and took drugs because I am a drug addict and an alcoholic.
Karen: How long did it take you to get cured?
Leo: I'm not cured, you don't get cured, I haven't had a drink or a pill in six and a half years, which isn't to say I won't have one tomorrow.
Karen: What would happen if you did?
Leo: I don't know, but probably a nightmare the likes of which both our fathers experienced, and me too.
Karen: And... so after six and a half years you still aren't allowed to have a drink?
Leo: The problem is I don't want a drink, I want ten drinks.
Karen: Are things that bad?
Leo: No.
Karen: Then why?
Leo: Because I'm an alcoholic.
Karen: I don't understand.
Leo: I know. It's OK, hardly anyone does. It's very hard to understand.

This speaks to something that I have mentioned here several times, and hearing them talk about this reminded me of it. I was addicted to pornography for many years, and I have been "sober" for two and a half years, but that doesn't make the fight any easier.

I know some guy readers of this blog that have never had this problem before, but I know that other readers have had the same problems that I have had. To get off on a tangent: I think most people would be surprised how many Christian males have had or currently have an addiction to pornography. I have been in groups of guys where every person in the room admitted to looking at pornography (and not just passively). As I was growing up I thought I was one of the few Christians who struggled with it, but now I see that it is rare to not have had this problem.

But I digress. Like I said, as a true addiction, I still struggle with it. Some weeks it is easy, some weeks it is hard. When Leo is asked "Why do you want to drink," he replies "Because I'm an alcoholic." For me, it's that simple. Why do I struggle with pornography? "Because I'm a male." There isn't something inside of me that other guys don't have, it is in all males of all ages. But I made a promise to God, and I am doing everything in my power to stick to it.

Even though I am not currently struggling with this issue, please keep me in your prayers for the times that I am struggling. Please also keep the other readers of this blog in your prayers, as well as my efforts to fight this epidemic in America today.

Matthew

Shipping...

2008-12-17T17:30:00.001-06:00

I just bought some Christmas presents on Amazon... I hope they get here in time... I hope I don't regret saving $6 by going with "FREE Super Saver Shipping".

Matthew

1st Peter...

2008-12-16T02:02:00.002-06:00

I love it when I read the Bible and feel encouraged...

Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God. For you have spent enough time in the past doing what pagans choose to do—living in debauchery, lust, drunkenness, orgies, carousing and detestable idolatry. They think it strange that you do not plunge with them into the same flood of dissipation, and they heap abuse on you. But they will have to give account to him who is ready to judge the living and the dead. For this is the reason the gospel was preached even to those who are now dead, so that they might be judged according to men in regard to the body, but live according to God in regard to the spirit. The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.
~ 1st Peter 4: 1-11

Matthew

2 AM

2008-12-15T02:31:00.003-06:00

It is 2:30 AM and I am writing my Christmas Letter... this is going to end up being either amazing poetry or not fit for the bargain bin.

EDIT: OK, I have been writing Christmas letters, thank you letters, and confessional letters for an hour and a half now... I need to get to sleep!

Matthew

Quote...

2008-12-13T22:21:00.003-06:00

Quote of the week:

"The past isn't the only thing your family can be proud of."
~ Josiah Bartlet, the president in the TV show "The West Wing"

Matthew

ornery

2008-12-11T01:05:00.001-06:00

ornery, or⋅ner⋅y [awr-nuh-ree] –adjective
1. a word that I would use more if I knew how to spell it.

Matthew

Blog, blog...

2008-12-10T00:12:00.002-06:00

Ya, so I haven't blogged in a while... I think it is a mixture of my life being mundane (doing the same thing every week), and me not being talkative. So don't feel left out, really, not much is going on. Just work, sleep, eat, work, work, work.

Oh, I am moving. I guess that is something to talk about. Really, though, the thing that I want to talk about is not me moving but that I need people to help me move. It looks like I will try to move my stuff before I go on Christmas Vacation, so I will need help the 22nd - 24th. Any volunteers? I have plans on going through my stuff BEFORE I move to get rid of any old junk, so stuff being moved will be not as much as it would be...

And I know I will regret saying this, but I need to borrow a truck from someone. A JEEP can carry lots of stuff, and I could probably do it without a truck, but it would mean lots of trips back and forth, and the box springs tied to the top. A truck even for one trip would make things a lot easier.

Anywho, that is all.

Matthew

Early...

2008-12-04T22:50:00.001-06:00

Going to bed early doesn't work when everyone calls you, and leaves you voice messages, and sends you text messages...

*Note that I am not in bed asleep like I should be. =: <

Matthew

Dates...

2008-12-03T10:39:00.002-06:00

[A disclaimer: Most of the following post is sarcastic. Due to the level of sarcasm involved, do not take it seriously. Do not believe what I said. Do not process the information. In fact, it would be best if you just didn't read it. Ignore this post like you do the rest of my posts. This will save you from the evils of sarcasm. Oh, except for the ending of this post, that part you can read without fear of sarcasm overload.]

As some of you may know, a two weeks ago I took a friend to "hang out" for a few hours. SHE is calling it a "date", but for me, it is "hanging out." Lets look at the facts:
A) Yes, I did pick her up, but she lives in my apartment complex, so it isn't like it was a long drive.
B) Yes, I did choose where we went, but we went to an ice cream shop where we had hung out before with friends.
C) Yes, I did pay for the "meal", but because that ice cream shop doesn't serve food after 4:00 PM, I only paid for ice cream... clearly paying for ice cream does not constitute a date.
D) Yes, we were mostly alone at the ice cream parlor that night, but at one point a small group from our church walked through the door, and we each talked to some people that we know, so we weren't alone ALL night.
E) Yes, I did walk her to her door, but it was because SHE insisted on it. AND there was no kiss. See? Clearly not a date.
F) And because the weekend before I had left my shoes at a friend's house, I was wearing sandals that night. Common sense says that if you are wearing sandals, it isn't a date.

So the facts all point to the fact that it wasn't a "date", it was "hanging out". Oh, and I hear Evan agrees that it was just "hanging out". See? I am not the only one!

However, I will say that I told Tiffany that once I buy "dinner" I would call it a "date", so I either have to plan to go to places that don't serve a full meal (like the movies), or I am going to have to move up in the world to "dating status."

OK, all sarcasm aside, I agree with our friend Sara (not to be confused with my sister Sara) that said that hanging out at an ice cream parlor is the perfect first date. The media shoves their version of what a date should be onto us, but I refuse to let the media define me. Why can't I decide what a good date is or isn't? Why does how well a date goes have to depend on how much money I spent, or how much kissing we did, or how many beers we had at a local bar? Why can't the perfect date simply be hanging out with a friend eating ice cream on a cold night?

Granted, one day I will plan dates that are much more romantic and personal, but for now I just want to enjoy time with a woman I like, and I don't need to spend a lot of money to do that.

Matthew

Hmm...

2008-12-01T16:26:00.001-06:00

Now here's an idea...

Matthew

Dig...

2008-11-19T23:33:00.002-06:00

Ya, so I dig a girl, and she digs me... =: >

Matthew

Timothy...

2008-11-12T11:53:00.003-06:00

Normally, when I read the Bible, I do just that: I read the Bible. I try to "study", but often times I find it hard to do that.

Last night, however, was an exception. I read 2nd Timothy 4, and it just made me want to study it. Read this passage a few times, and you will know what I mean.

In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.

For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.
2 timothy 4:1-8

Matthew

Sodium Chloride

2008-11-11T15:24:00.003-06:00

Yea! I got my first birthday gift today! It is a few days late, but that is because FedEx didn't leave a note on my door to say that I had a package at the office.

Anywho, thanks Sara for the Sodium Chloride Containment Unit!

Matthew

EDIT: Fixed the link... thanks Spart!

Gas again...

2008-11-09T23:59:00.002-06:00

I just filled up with $1.84(9) gas. That's right, under $1.85 for a gallon gas! I filled a tank for under $35!!!

The last time I filled up for under $1.85 a gallon: January of '05. That's right, over 46 months ago!

I know that it is normal for the price of gas to drop at the end of the summer, but this is EXTREME! Everyone fill up your generators from Y2K while the prices are low!

Matthew

Spirit Juice

2008-11-08T01:02:00.003-06:00

Tonight God is sending me lots of spiritual-goodness juice.

On the drive home from a job tonight I had a really good, deep conversation with a friend. It instantly made our friendship more than just passive. I asked a hard, taboo question of him (I was holding him accountable), and the resulting conversation was very cool.

When I got home, as I was taking a shower, I was thinking about the conversation that we had, and I got side tracked and had an epiphany about something that I said a week ago. (I told someone something that I meant, but I didn't know what it meant. To put it another way, I couldn't define what I was trying to say, but I knew it was true.) But now I know what I was trying to say, and it is a really cool idea.

Then, it being late and I have to be up early, I was trying to go to bed, and I had some music on like I normally do as I go to bed. But as I sat down to read scripture (I am currently reading through the New Testament, I am in 2nd Timothy), the track that I was playing started to read scripture. I knew what scripture it was, because I posted about it a few weeks ago. So I sat and listened for a moment to what they were reading, and I decided that it wasn't enough to just listen to them read a part of it, I wanted to read the passage again. So I flipped back a few pages to Ephesians. While reading it, I got a whole new idea that I turned into a post at my other blog: Linky

Anywho, I am totally grateful and thankful for God for showering me with spiritual-goodness juice tonight. He is one cool God, and I pray that he continues to answer my prayers as he is doing.

I just now pray that he will give me extra rest for when I wake up in the morning, because I have now stayed up to write two blog posts.

Matthew

Excited...

2008-11-05T14:40:00.002-06:00

We are getting closer and closer to moving into our new building, and things are really starting to ramp up. We are installing equipment and finalizing things.

I am getting excited! I keep finding myself thinking about the opportunities that we will have, the fun and joy I will have worshiping God by leading worship... I am getting pumped!

So, who all is going to come up mid-December for our opening Sunday?

Matthew

Not all is lost...

2008-11-04T23:14:00.002-06:00

While I may disagree with who the country chose for it's next president, not all is lost. Check out this page to see some of the local ballot measures from around the country: link

I am surprised that California is going to pass a constitutional ammendment to ban gay marriage (at least right now it is projected to pass).

Matthew